My friend.


My friend is like the forest.


He is like natural wood, there are evident "flaws" in his composition.

That is what makes a scenery look natural in the forest.



The absence of right angles
Straight lines




Corrosion is a natural process.

Minerals were not meant to be purified and processed like we know it.



My friend made a mistake because he is human.

Since when did I forget that?

Winter

Winter jackets are coming out.



People are hiking in the forest on Thanksgiving as if this is their last opportunity for good weather.



Winter is coming. Cliche like the series. But that's the whole purpose of autumn. The colors are like the climax before everything goes limp.




The burden of white and brown.
Insulated by the coldness itself.
Heat produced by the cold.
A cold you can see is not cold at all.



This winter I will be a hamster buried in his own eclipse.


How shall I spend my days in darkness?


Wherewithal shall I lighten my lamp?


Many oils and not all are of an enduring quality





I want something to keep me warm until the leaves grow again.

Adam

I resent my sorry state



Like a lung covered in scar tissue, is hard to breathe because of adam.



My mortality. I can see why Paul was okay with moving on from this life.




This is a pathetic state. Yet there are amazing things we can do. Somewhat amazing. Like the Olympics for the disabled. Racing each other on wheelchairs.




If I jump high enough, I might just be able to get my feet off the ground.




I understand. I understand.



That's why mourning makes sense.



Winter is the state of man


Summer is just an illusion

Dope out

Livin on 20%

Introduxtion of new dopes

No longer on the same fire

40k

Eyes closed

An education coat more than tuition.



The food, the deliveries, the indulgences, the

The drugs



The time and the slippage of time.

With errors necessitates corrections



Time sinks further.

The monies sink further



Tally it up if you can.

Take a look at the wound from a shark bite



The limb you were leant is gone



Now I have but seven loaves.

An education I have emerged from, here is my scholars cap.




Seven loaves and a missing limb

LORD. Settle my debts.



In Jesus name,
Amen

60000


100000


150,000


On and on it goes.


The numbers don't make sense.



Futility
Paralysis
Unbelief



Isolation.

Poverty


Clouds



Lies
Squanderer

Sleeping



Grey


Dust


Lies
Blindsided

Betrayal

Echoes

Feeling the aftershock from yesterday



Went from feeling pretty light

To feeling covered by a thick heavy blanket of lead.



This is my father's blanket.

Why do I say that? It's hereditary, I guess.



I just felt like... I guess it's an Honor for me to take the weight off my family.

But look what I inherited.



Good things, but also the collateral weight that, if I can be honest, I don't feel like I am able to bear at the moment.



I didn't realize I was building a fireplace below an avalanche.





Its not the numerical Debt I have inherited from my father.

Rather, it is the lifestyle of poverty.



A brisk reminder that we live in frigid country.

Its the spirit of fear, and of anxiety.



Crippling debt.

Working upwards from a subterranean vantage




Playing from behind

The spirit of deficit.


++

Part 2.

Chunking. It's good to see the total picture but often times

Chunking

Its good to see the overall picture

But too much information (or stressors) can overwhelm the brain




Let the oxen plow without distress.

A little pressure can speed up the process. Too much pressure and the systems collapse.



Patience, carefulness, love.


I want us to continue smiling and laughing each day.
That gives me the energy to keep moving forward.



Lets win smiling.

17 love

A precious leaf, drifting in the wind

You are like the warm blood circulating through my body on a cold Halloween night.

I can feel you, even when we are apart.

Like a warm drink in the winter, I feel full even when I am alone.


You are my companion when I cannot find a friend

You hear my song when I sing into the wind


You are the clear air of the night

You are the park bench in the park


You are my soul, the clouds knit against the sky

October 17

Is almost over.

It was the one day i was allowed to be off


Before the day closed I got a warning from my wife that I have to work again. I have to keep picking up shifts.



I didn't like that about my current situation.

Sure, I created some space. But now the onus is on me


I have to do cold calls.



I have to apply for two jobs on my own spare time.



And then after I get these "jobs" with the agency,

I have to schedule my shifts. I have to basically hunt for work.



Its the kind of work that you have to work just to get the work.



Its far more lucrative than the alternative full time position, but it requires pedal to the metal.



I have to be the wind maker.

I have to make the wind, and then jump into it to take flight.




That's the hard part about getting rich like this.




No I might be overthinking all of this.

The agencies are easy to apply to.
Its also quite intuitive to find shifts.