thoughts and thoughts run out

run on

even though voices diminish

i turn around expecting to see your face

but you are no lonegr there

washed away by the wave

i can still feel

your vibrance

so i sing

Bad day

Bad news

Bad start

Fear

Support system (mother wife friend)

Prayer. Church. Intercession. Deliverance.

Glory.

Praise the Lord Jesus Christ!

A voice that listens.

Im hearing that
There is something about knowledge
Especially the unknown
That is so deeply attractive
That is why mystery
Should be my pursuit

to those who thought i was banned or something.

not at all.

havent logged into d2 or jsp for a while. havent mf'd.


==

where have i been?

i was at work - in the physical sense.

i wasnt in front of my computer.


===

Well don't I have a smartphone? shouldn't I be spamming the forums?

about what exactly?

my mind has gone quiet.

maybe the child and the wining eventually waned

I am extremely judgmental of myself.

I act as if I am a care free dude.

But I actually judge others too.

And they can probably tell.



Why am I so harsh on myself?

Why do I have to be Mr perfect?

I sounded like a dummy today, but at least I didn't humiliate myself that badly. It's human to have these feelings.

How can I let go of literally all that has happend?




Forgiving people?
Picking sides?
Keeping a record of wrongs?

Why do I write a hateful message towards these people in my heart?

M. N. And the other person I don't even know what their name is.

Hatred.


Them versus us mentality. Slipping into the mould.

Its all so meaningless.

Why should I hate you? Resent you? Remember how you hurt me? Why should I wqsdt energy on these things?

I let go of all of it.

Today and everything before is finished.

Who I was. What I did. Where I fell. Where I hurt. My past. Me.

Not important

Underneath



Underneath I see

When your eyes passes mine, you look down or to the side.




Same look for you and sadly also those who follow in your footsteps.



These act kindly to you in your face,

But as soon as you walk out of the room, their doubts and self doubts run wild


Negativity.


The way they judge themselves, the way they love one another, so will they love you.



Do you see hatred, malice, envy, and strife in your workplace?

Underneath

The stirring

The stirring continues
The spiral spirals

As I slip into deeper parts of the spiral
My soul slips with it


The person who walks out of the abyss isn't the same.

The soul remains, flickering


A star that provides no light.

Has no influence on the ocean.



Embers and ashes.

What fire can you make of me?

The stirring (part two)

I realize I was probably more screwed up than most people around me.

Its because I have a light that needs to be snuffed out.

Because my light or any light is a threat to the darkness


That is why I am branded and the darkness follows me like gatsu in berserk



My light needs to be frequently snuffed out.

My lamp needs oft be covered.

I need oft be killed.




These are the agendas

These are what I gather from the whisper of the birds

The stirring (part 3)

The vultures circled above me


It is time to eat they said


Before I fell they stirred
They sensed my falling
In my error they found for themselves a meal.


Eating the carcass of my soul

But it dieth not.

What can God make from nothing?
A fire out of me?

Let it be high enough to sear the vultures

I will have vengeance.

Eat my soul

For I am holy today.


Circle above me ye vultures


If you want a taste of fire show me your devils.



When a lion roars,

I wioolll fear no evil

For the Lord

JESUS CHRIST



Is with me.



I am holy today,


Dear vultures.



Come feed on my soul.




Taste my fire.