Grind up my mental

Its time to go

Left right up down middle



I wish to find a crevice



My sobriety is a crown
...



No one will help me keep it

It stays well on my head



Anger is like the east wind
Resentment like the west wind
Pride is like gravity
Lust has no place to go


My vessel is open upwards.

I am a cup overflown
With angst and poison
Resentment and hatred



The vultures stirred on the third day
My angels have turned to demons
Blackness clefts over the light of my eyes


Will I live or will I die?
My anchor is corroding

Split

Division is a means of survival

Isolation is safety


Dependency is death

Comradery is a snare


I've lost all interest in

Making this work


I would rather be frozen in my current state

Then to live under the mercy of your warmth

Self edification leads to self edification



Doing things to please my own flesh.



Keep track of that.



I am a bastard.



Keep track of my own assholeness.


I am the biggest ass hole.




One more thing I wanted to say.



Stop counting how many times you do good.



Start counting how much of an ass hole you are.



Especially when you do nice things for people just so you can benefit yourself.



I am an ass hole. My mother knows it.


I am an asshole. I am unhappy unless I win.



Edification means to benefit. Edify one another, not yourself.


I seek my own good.

I seek my own good.



I seek my own good.


God doesn't help people like that.

God doesn't want to help me if I continue this way.



I ought to seek the good of others.


I need to participate in activities that

E d I f y.



Edify one another.


If the activity edifies myself, and only myself, don't do it.



If the activity can only result in the edification of one person, don't do it.




Edify one another. Do not risk your life. Do not waste your life participating in activities that have low edification.





Edify one another.


If two actions are available, choose the action that edifies others.


Always edify others.



++
Don't worry about being sacrificial and burnout. Let God handle that.

My commandment is to obey.

Seek first the interest of the people around me.



Start keeping track of all the activities that are questionable in the area of edification.


Playing smash with my brother in real life? Somewhat edifying, except only one player wins.




Playing basketball? Only one team wins. You feel bad if you sucked.



Buying takeout for myself? That edifies myself and not my wife. It hurts her finances.



Edify others. This is your first step after abandoning your demon's.


You must minister to others, always.


Do not edify yourself. Edify others only.

Peripheral demons


Like battery juice, it lingers in my mind


Thoughts unclean


Predatory, I wish to dig a hole and bury my memory.



What I have seen and what I have seen with my peripheral vision




Peripheral demon's are demon's still.



They possess power when you don't look at them. When you refuse them. They gain a number on you.


Its a win win situation for the demons.


Its a lose lose situation for the sober minded.





My ram.
My ram.

Time resets all data that has no anchor.


How to anchor a memory?
How to forgo a memory?

My ram

Readily accessible memory.

Seven.


Seven thoughts and ideas can be shuffled into the mind.



Seven suggestions.




Where am I lately?
What have I been up to?

My seven belongs to Christ.



I desire to know nothing, save Christ crucified. Everything must be oriented towards the cornerstone.




My plans are to get money. To change my job schedule and hours

To supposedly make “three times" more than my usual income.




Come on man.



Why is my head here?
The things I think.
The things I say.



I've been thinking about the floor plan and the cornerstone.


I used today for basically nothing???


I rested. I've been working hard but today I guess I finally took somewhat of a "break"


+++

Its been hard for me to read the Bible.

Reading the Bible on my phone has been an absolute failure.



I have a great Bible in the car. I ought to read from that instead.


Seven.
My seven are not occupied with holy or Christ like thoughts.


I am susceptible. I need to Repent and learn of God in his word.

Waiting like frog

Sometime frog can sit there for like hours

And not do anything


And then when fly comes they strike.



Seems like today is kind of froggy.



Woke up today with a level of uncertainty in my life.



I was had ok sleep. I remember the demons were bothering me through the night but I did not succumb to any kind of fears or fallness.
...


I was like a kid that didn't wanna do anything. Didn't wanna do much.

Chalk it up to being quiet, tired, dispondent.



Its the kind of air thats stagnant. Kind of incompatible with any kind of festivities. A cold and thick air.


++++


Frog like. You wouldn't even see me buried in the mist.



Day one of three. Seems like not a bad start for the beginning of what seems like a long journey.


3 days. We need to simply exist for three days. Whether we strain or not is not important.




Is there some kind of brilliant light I have to share with my peers? No. My light seems to be subdued and resting beneath the fog.


I want to read the Bible today.

There's a lot of folks here at work today but it feels like they have each other as lights.



I need to dip my candle into the fire of God. A fire that burns even underwater.



Sorry God. I can't explain this fog

Mingle.

Let the spirits interact.




The spirits from him and them

Let them interact with my spirit.



I am here to edify.

I am here.


But to remain unspotted. How can that be?



I brought home some ideas and maybe some of the ideas came from my own self.

A dark image flashed before my eyes.



My inner eye was shown something maybe that I had seen before.

A sickness.



Could it perhaps be a relapse of memory.
A memory jaunt?

I know not.


All I know is that



Yes I have seen these things before. But

Again they are knocking at the crest of my shore.




Is that okay?

Whatever hardship I need to endure to win souls

The lord watch over me.

666
666
666


The six six six occurs three times.

666 × 3 = 1998

Subtract 2022

Puts him at age 24

Skipped Church
Missed some morning hours

Waiting for Monday since Monday is when everyone leaves the house.


Today I put up my youngest daughters light.


If I'm lucky I may also be able to tear down some more baseboards



I looked at the forums today and felt nothing.
Boredom. Tiredness. Nothing to note that was worthy to note.


It made me tired just looking at it.


It was as if I missed out on absolutely nothing.



Now I have to wait for the morning again. To get up before the sun rises.

And to execute.


All of it seems rather dull though.


And yet, I owe my boss some letters. I have to type them up tonight if possible.


I have much energy remaining tonight but too many people are home for me to renovate.



So I have no choice but to type up my letters.



Still. The straightforwardness of things is always what I wished for. Now that there's a clear path, my only obstacle is monotony.



What can I say about that? This is what I wanted, yet getting what I wanted I still feel rather empty.

I missed church today, but I don't feel like I missed anything.



Lord, I am bored. I am not fascinated. Stay my mind lord, and keep my feet from slipping.

Amen

Clear path
Easy wins

Signs that tell the truth



Do not spurn a perfect essay.


Do not say to yourself, "this is too easy."




Take the freebies before the demons come.

Before confusion sets in.

And night descends upon you like vultures