Asking God for something you know you probably don't need

1. you don't need it
2. You know you'll probably ask for more
3. You're afraid of losing social capital with God
4. You're afraid of what it may suggest about you.


You know yourself and your own weakness

Will bread satisfy you?

Yes and yes and yes and yes but where do we draw the line?




Is this the line? If given this, will you wake up?



Will everything suddenly be restored?



Or will it be another lie upon a lie.





+

Teach me where to rely on you
And where I will find


Living Waters.


In Jesus name,
Amen




I can feel the polarity

The gravity of wind




Through all this maybe I have developed some attunement to the coming and and going out of spirits.


Cedars steal my sleep

This post was edited by redExorcist on Jan 30 2023 02:00am

3 strikes


First strike was sba X2 especially the "hey"



Second strike was pharmacy which was odd becoz I didn't even have to do that actually I've never done that but the overflow built up

The toxicity built up and it was awkward




So I thought I reframed myself and


Then strike three, completely professional dialogue. But again I think I sensed a certain burden so I departed.







It's been heavy upon me. I ask for something unconventional but I need a passage to pass on


So that no more will there be any threat to the innocent.






Pray for a legitimate passage.

It's not impossible if someone's done it before.




Thou art a fountain o God.


Bless me, and forgive me.
Have mercy on my foolish heart.

In Jesus name,
Amen

Put yourself in the position of the target.





You wouldn't want to be that person.


You wouldn't consent to that. There's nothing attractive about this impossible deal. A bad idea is a bad idea.

S h a m e



Shame is a blind spot hitter


As in, u don't see it coming until the end





To study Shame I need to consider the effects of my actions upon my two children.




What if the world knew about me? Who I really was? What I practiced in darkness? The evil thoughts of my mind and heart.


How will my kids react if my secrets were made known to them? Or to their friends? Or to the public?





I am your father, my girls. I am sorry for my past actions.


What I will do from this point, I pray that God will give me the strength to protect my reputation before thee.




My kids. My family. So many lives.



Don't bring Shame upon your family my son.



Repent.

M I n d s t a t e




Boredom.
Hatred.

Loneliness.


Burden



Dopamine with no pickers. Too much dope but nothing to spend it on.


No work.


I feel so messed up. I feel so messed up.



Idk if I can live like this I need to find out how to live like this .....




I don't wanna play Diablo there's nothing there for me.


I feel so lost.


I don't know what I'm doing . I know if I wait I I will find it but I don't know.





I'm sorry for all of my sins.


I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do god. I have no direction.



I have no love. No fascination. Nothing to fix my attention towards.



I am looking for something to study god. Please help me.

Please help me.

Rules goals plans order

Purpose


Trying to redirect everything towards something that makes sense.



If it doesn't make sense it will fail.




I am eating oil and drinking bean juice



So what .





What's next for us? What am I up to? I can't live like this.


I can't stand the shittiness of Diablo 2.




I want something more.


I want to be healthy but idk if I can work for a healthy body.


I am lazy . Idk if I can work out and eat good food like Sbd even tho I know it would be better for me.




I want to be healthy and sober like Sbd but I don't think I can do it coz I live in the city and I live a life of many stressors and I'm also an addict well I'm depending on meds more than I used to.





I... With my current stack I can manage to keep doing ehst I'm doing but I'm worried. I need something to chew on. My Diablo bone is just about chewed up.




I don't know how I can get back into my body.


I don't know how to be healthy again.


I need to pray for my body and my mind




I don't think my current regimen is sustainable.

I need muscle.


And fat


And calories.






I need to eat. In order to create a hunger response I need to participate in physical labor.


What sort of physical activity can I be involved with frequently?



Essentially I need to wear a meat armor as it offers

1. A good disguise
2. Convinces other people that I have normal hobbies
3. I can talk with other dudes about working out
4. I get more respect from clients and colleagues
5. My brain will work a lot faster and more effectively


It will be almost as expensive as being on drugs but it offers a pretty good disguise


It's merely a smoke screen. We aren't actually interested in body building but the purpose of it is to maintain a certain body mass.



It is known as optimal metabolism. Where the body burns fat for mental attention




To have a proper connection between ur brain and the gut. So that whatever u eat will go to your brain and vice versa.





But not everyone can afford such a lifestyle. Hence the viability of drugs.



I am a drug user but I also need to take full advantage of the food systems in my life.



I would benefit from a hybrid system . Half my thinking comes from drugs. The other half comes from nutritious sources.




I need to improve my health. Especially because I am a drug user.


Thank u Jesus.





Having a good body will also improve my body's response to the drugs.

Bread and thirst



I
Am.$shoe to sorry god got all my son's
Cursive

Forgive me
In Jesus name Amen

Having walls as friends

It's not so bad when you can't afford to have anything else