Quote (Forg0tten @ Jan 25 2020 06:36am)
Haha never thought I'd start a thread here myself :D
So I'm dating someone since early November and it's going rather well.
She's in the scouts where she has a lot of friends, one of which was her fwb until she met me. She had feelings for him for a long time and he always just used that for the physical part, until the point (somewhere during the summer) where she realized that it wouldn't ever work out so then she just kept seeing him for the physical part.
Even when we started dating she went to his place to watch a movie - which was not about watching the movie. He had intentions, but she went there to inform him that she wanted to stop doing all that because she was dating someone.
She did stay over to sleep (because it was already late (big bed)) but nothing happened. I believe her.
At NY eve, he texted her that he regretted the fact that things ended there and that he never gave it a shot to develop into something real.
She replied that she waited long enough, admits that she still really enjoys him but that he missed the boat. She sent me screenshots and all that because she doesn't want me to get any surprises.
Couple of weeks later he starts texting about arbitrary things again. She convinces me time and again that it's just a friendship and that she would never opt for the guy over me and all that, she doesn't actually meet up with him but she does run into him at the scouts.
She literally asked me for permission if it's OK to text with him again. And I said as much as, "I find it very weird that if he was just a fwb you would not throw him overboard when you've found something more that you actually wanted, it's like you're trying to keep a reserve line intact. But I'm not your dad, you don't need my permission"
Now, I see this guy as someone who abused her emotionally for his own physical satisfaction because she was actually in love until the last 2 months or so. And yet their friendship happily continues now that she's dating me. I've never had good relationships with someone I have dated in the past, so I find this rather weird. All my friends tell me not to worry and it's fine as long as she's open about it etc, but turns out I'm paranoid AF.
It's something we talk about very often and every answer just gives me two more questions and it's a growing problem on my side. She still has regular contact with another ex of hers, but that's a closed chapter. This fwb thing feels like a book with an open end and I find it very difficult that she still wants to hang out with him. Thoughts about this has smothered me for a long time and I'm increasingly wanting to break up, but I know full well I'd be throwing away gold. She really trusts me with things that she's never told anyone before and I believe that she's genuine with her intentions. I would never ever have her choose between one or the other.
Do I need to give it a rest? Do I need to keep talking about it with her? Or is my being paranoid here justified?
That's rough, I certainly wouldn't be "cool" with it but depending on how much I trust her and how circumstances are unique to your guys' day-to-day life I may tolerate it. If it goes on long-term I'd probably less and less cool with it until I made it very clear I wanted it to stop or it'll be a potentially relationship ending issue.
Massive props on the Bill Withers sig by the way.