Hello guys, I've come to the point where some advice and other perspectives would seem rather helpful.
I met this girl at a camp for children, we were both helping the leaders of the camp but were so busy we didn't really get to talk much. After the camp, she reached out by sending messages, inviting me to her graduation party. I was quite surprised, and scared, but I decided to go.
That's several weeks ago, since then we have gone on trips in the forest, to hills and places. Yesterday I was at her place and we cooked dinner, and talked for many hours. Tomorrow we're going to an organ concert with her housemate.
I'm falling for this girl, a lot, she's so sweet and gorgeous.
The thing is, I'm feeling a bit like a doodoo at this. Yesterday I just wanted to express my feelings for her, tell her that I really like her, if she wants to be more than friends and go on a date with me. I'm just really scared I have to admit, overthinking, afraid to ruin our friendship if she doesn't feel the same. I'm quite shy, and get awkward in our conversations sometimes, so thoughts like I'm not good enough for someone like her appears stopping me from being me. At the same time I feel like I just want to try, hoping that she's hoping that I'm going to ask. I thought about it several times yesterday, I'm not sure how normal this is, and then not doing something about it.
I'm the kind of guy that feel most comfortable when I've imagined all kinds of possible scenarios.

My question is, should I continue in a slow pace still trying to get to know her, trying to feel more comfortable until I could express my feelings. Should I express my feelings and acknowledge I'm insecure and overthinking, but just try to get over it? If she kindly says no, what would you think would be a kind and respectful way to respond?

Thank you all.

This post was edited by LazyDazy on Aug 5 2019 04:39am

Hello LazyDazy, I have tried to search doodoo in my dictionary, unfortunately still don't understand. We don't know how this situation looks like from her point of view, it may be either similar to yours - she may be feeling attracted to you, but reluctant about expressing these feelings because not knowing how you would react. Another solution is covered by your post, she may consider it as only friendship and not planning to move forward. In this situation I would simply continue spending time together, maybe some parties, concerts, trips, talking, texting, and see what is going to happen in the future, it may happen naturally that you will start to spend time as in relationship, or negative outcome is that contacts between you both may be worse over time. In second case I would consider expressing feelings, if resulting in refusal, then respectful way to respond may be just accepting it and keeping up positive relations, maybe sometimes going out somewhere as friends.

It's best to communicate now and get this figured out as soon as possible rather than later because it can build resentment and negativity around the relationship.

Sit her down and just tell her how you feel. Dont be pushy or weird about it just speak your heart and be kind and polite.

If she doesnt want something romantic that's ok. That part doesn't always work out but just remember finding a true friend in this world is worth sacrifice. Maybe you wont get everything you want out of this but friendship is a powerful thing.

The most important thing is you two have a sit down and just be honest with each other even if someone gets hurt. You are worth love and friendship and maybe this girl will only offer friendship, that's ok but it doesnt mean anything other than she doesnt want it. It doesnt define you or make you unworthy of anything. Somethings in life work out and some dont but you are worth what you want from life especially in love and relationships so dont spend too much time being down if this doesnt go your way. Just be true to yourself and continue to grow as a person and someone will want you for you romantically some will want to be around you as friends. It's all ok. It's ok for relationships to not work out or for them to stay platonic. Just embrace the good and focus on it and of this doesnt become a romantic relationship dont let it stop you from looking for it and dont get bitter at this girl or girls in general. Itll be alright as long as you keep positive about it and keep your eyes and heart open.

Whatever happens good luck and dont forget you are worthy of what you want even if it doesnt happen how you want it doesnt define you

This post was edited by Beowulf on Aug 5 2019 08:50am

Thank you for your kind words Beowulf, I really appreciate your words. I will try to communicate how I feel the next time I see her and the timing is good. Because yeah, hiding how I feel and trying to act normal and friendly is just too much. Thank you



Thanks for sharing your thoughts icecool. What I meant by 'doodoo' is that I'm not really good at this, understanding signals, and what I should do. Like feeling I want/should act upon her reaching out, inviting me to her home, and being kind and friendly. I have much maturing and growing to do, before or under such a relationship, and I'm still just surprised and happy that she wants to meet. I am a little torn between telling her about my feelings or trying to keep it friendly and just build upon the friendship. It's just hard when in the back of your head you like her, but you suppress any flirting or feelings that might be understood as romantic. Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts

Moving too fast is never a good thing. Tomorrow is never guaranteed so you have to play your cards right. Get to know everything you want to know about her first, but don't seem too pushy. There's a lot of failures with guys and even girls in history with this exact scenario. People get weird based off their anxiety and overthinking. Expression is hard. I feel like I can never sit down and straight up tell a girl how I feel about her. I'd rather show it through spending time with her often, and creating unforgettable memories. I hope this could help you in a way. Best of luck!!



Doodoo is a reference to bad in the way he used it in a sentence. Replace doodoo with bad in the sentence he used and it should make more sense. The real slang-term definition for it is feces/poop.

Hi again, thanks to both of you for explaining mentioned word That would be my approach aswell, hopefully your relation will be successful over time. If you have further questions or updates, post these here, I will be looking forward to read and maybe answer if I can add anything helpful

Just like I’m about to, you gotta make it short n sweet. If you’re interested in her then ask her out, if you don’t you have zero chance. Dont be insecure it’s not an attractive quality assert your feelings and if she says no then its done move on.

Just do something romantic and make out already.

If she says no date someone else. If she invited you to a bunch of junk, that's generally an indication of interest though.


Don't worry too much, it gets easier over time.

This post was edited by EndlessSky on Aug 10 2019 09:38pm

Never think you will ruin the friendship by asking this tbh.
Because to you it's no longer a friendship, and you're already moving on or it actually just started.
Just logically think about it, and you should see it doesnt make sense to be in that mindset.

If she's only inviting you to places with other people around, then chances are shes friended you.
If you've been with her alone on multiple occasions or even just a couple times, then make the move.

Courage smurage... ask her to go with you for anything and tell her plain and simple; you're not asking her to marry you.
You're just asking a simple question.

If she says, "no," then say, "ok, I thought maybe we were headed in that direction" or whatever, then keep it short.

Dont spill your heart out or else it will be awkward. Just keep it plain and simple, and if you choose to stay friendly go ahead.

But in my opinion once you start having feelings for the person, then that's the real reason you're hanging with her.
Maybe that's not the case for you. Good luck.

A little update on my thoughts. We haven't seen each other for quote some days, she's on vacation with her family. I must say, that I miss her. She wrote that she is visiting my home town next week, and asked if I wanted to meet her there so she could see the place with my eyes.
We're both Christians, so she also invited me to come visit her church. We are also going to meet on this Friday for a small trip in the woods. The way we message each other, I'm on one hand conflicted if she is just being nice, and how such a wonderful person would want to hang out. If you knew me personally, you would know how shy and awkward I can be in social situations. I really try not to overthink, just being happy that we get to spend this time together. I feel I genuinely want to tell her that I think she is a wonderful human being and if she would like to be more than friends. I just can't seem to figure out a way of telling how. In my imagination, it's quite distant.
I really appreciate you guys thoughts and wisdom, I understand a good way is to just very plain and simple ask her. Give her the space and the utmost respect if she has something else on her mind. I really don't want to seem pushy, desperate, or lose my face if she says no. All my previous relationsship was on the other girls initiative, so this is new to me. Your final thoughts on this is much appreciated, thank you so much so far for the comfort of mind you have helped me with

Also, she just texted me, asking how my day went, how hers went, how she loved the music I had recommended, sending pictures of the skies when you listened to the album. She is probably the most talkative person I've ever met, describing in almost poetic descriptions how she felt listening to that music, from her imagination and visions. I love that, I'm having some troubles sometimes giving a reply, but yeah, just thought I'd give that information as well

This post was edited by LazyDazy on Aug 14 2019 03:52pm