Honestly, I think this is the first time in my life that I've really asked myself the question: what am I doing? What have I done wrong?
I try not to complain, I try to be as silent as possible. I don't complain to my friends, I don't talk to them either, I cry here and there, my heart is very heavy.
not only is it psychological but above all physical.
my foot is so swollen all the time, it opened my scar which was very infected because of the screw.
The infection in general was controlled because of the intravenous drugs, but supposedly it was controlled enough to be stopped. and good. because it drove me crazy. you can't wash yourself as you want, you constantly need to go to the hospital, etc. so I try to think I'm not going back to that.
honestly.
It's hard. Because it was still better for that.
It's hard because my head was elsewhere, I was thinking about the blood clot, I was thinking about the swelling. when I started to realize it was getting infected, I never thought it would go this far. it's always flowing. it's red, green, yellow, disgusting. it hurts and my foot is swollen like ten. I feel like screaming so much I want to go back to my habits.
I want to go back to work, I want to go back to the gym, I want to go back to the bar, I just want to live, I've been surviving for months, it's very long and cumbersome.
My leg is in the air, I wait while my foot sinks. My foot swells so much that it's hard to walk. The bones don't really hurt anymore, anyway, you know the type.
Tomorrow, we'll see how it goes. It's scary, tiring and especially long.