Song

There comes a day when

I look out my window

But am unable to see anyone or hear anything.




Where art thou?

My voice can no longer reach you.

The tether between our soul is assumption




The only way to reach you is through Jesus.

I pray to Jesus...



Not so that I may benefit you by any means.

But to say hello. And to brush my soul against yours, even if for but a moment.


Jesus, say hello for me

When I become dumb



When the world becomes silenced

And the word has been snuffed out.




In the darkness, what is friendship?

In isolation, what is connection?



I pray to Jesus

My son.

You inspire me.

Your offbeat rhythm

Your lack of perceptiveness

You are like a child before God




Innocent. Pure. Beloved.



You inspire me.

For I am complex.

Darkened. And eloquent in my own eyes.



You inspire me.

I wish to serve lord.



Those who were born ill.

Those who were afflicted since birth.

I wish to serve.



Children who cannot walk.

Mouths that cannot speak.

Tongues that cannot bend.

Eyes that have never seen light.



I wish to serve.

For my hands, Lord. My hands do work.


My feet are willing and my youth is still present with me.

Send me, Lord.


I wish to worship at the feet of those who inspire me.

I wish to worship at the feet of the maimed.



Those who are broken, Lord.

Bring them hither.

Allow me to be a capillary on your behalf



Allow me to worship at the feet of those who inspire me.

In Jesus name,
Amen

Third day

I promise I will see you again, brother.

At the great throne judgment.




We may be seated at a different table.



My area may be far from yours. But I will try my best to find you, even if I have to climb a tree to behold you.



In this world, I will not.

In heaven, I will.



Why is that? There are no guarantees in this world and this life. Seeing you in this life is like seeing a classmate at the exam room. It doesn't matter until we both graduate.



That is my love for you. Awkward. I can't understand it either.



I feel this way for some others too. Some names I can easily name. I will climb that tree in heaven to see you all there.


I want to see you guys there.



But until then, I have to write my own exam. I can't waste a damn minute thinking about anyone else.



I'll see you and the others there, God have mercy.

My star


Three cats



The three cats that sat around me would not curse me.



My star



Someone might have placed a curse upon my star.



If you place a curse upon my star



Remember that the hairs on my head are numbered.



If I sense your curse on me I will say the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.


If my mouth is glued together you will only hear ejcuksndjcjekstnd



I will speak his name again.


Jesus Christ.



So place a curse upon my name or upon my star.



Even if tears blur my vision. Or glue shutteth my mouth


I will speak his name.


For my star belongs to Christ.


My lamp his is alone.



His light is the law.



He is the way the truth and the light.



If you curse my star. Be blessed.



Lord forgive you,

Jesus save us
All.


Including they that curse us.


Lord Jesus Christ rebuke them on my behalf.


In the name of the most high God,
JESUS CHRIST


AMEN

Withdrawal

From thc vape pen



Woke up this morning to my child at approx 0630


Tried to hand her off to my parents but they asleep


Realized that one of my cats peed in the foyer (this has been an ongoing challenge discussing with my wife)


I knew we needed another litter box on the second floor.



+++


That sounds ez like problem solved, right?

Except that I am jonesey af.



I was raging deep inside.

+++

I'm going to talk about myself now.

I am in the car alone and no one can hear me groan in anger.


My spirit groans

Although my body is flesh, within it houses a spirit.


That spirit was groaning.

++

I knew what would do the trick.

If I just vaped up, that spirit would be quiet again.


My spirit was rebounding from the withdrawal. How much thc was still deposited into my fat and bloodstream?


What is the half life exactly? Depends on my liver and lifestyle.


++

All is to say that even if I WASN'T jonesing, maybe I am naturally irritated?

I have a lot of stressors in my life.

What strategy am I using to manage my anger and preserve the relationships around me?

++

For the past few weeks I have been leaving the house and driving to the park.


Anger is harmless when you are alone. And you limit your interactions with other spirits.


My spirit was angry, but luckily it was isolated.


I restrained my own spirit rather than sedating it.


+++


Is this going to work? I have to trust the liver that God gave me. I have to trust my kidneys. I have to trust that my innate spirit is not naturally vexed.


Lord, to be honest.

What am I to do?

I cannot go back on the vape pen.



I have broken three already, throwing some of them into rivers and sewers.

I cannot vape again.


My right hand testifies against me.


+++


Lord I pray this hand will no longer mingle with demonic instruments.

I will not use my right hand lord to sin against you.

I will not participate in sexual sin using my right hand.

I will not use my right hand to administer recreational drugs.



Please God.

Please save me.



My spirit is wretched.

It groans out to you in dissatisfaction.



I cannot be a husband or father like this.





My son,
Everyone experiences anger
You do well by isolating yourself in anger
Hold fast
Resist the devil
And angels will minister unto you
Be of good cheer
For I have overcome the world
Rest you now

Stir hat

I got hat on

Make me go quite wakey wakes.



As long as I don't do evil

My hat is fine.




I got a stir hat on



Who knows how long it last for.



Maybe the rest of my life.



Maybe this my punishment for using weed.



If u try to quit weed u think u gonna revert to normal human?


Xdlel

Let me tells the truth once for all




Stir hat might be permanent.


Dear Lord... What do I do?

Red egg

Yeahhh......



Lord I wonder about the sky
When will the moon learn to bleed.


When will the stars steal again


I'm waiting for signs and wonders - for you have promised them.




I will not to die my lord.
Before I see it enacted
The day in which perhaps You know not..

For the son does not know but the Father knows the appointed time.



+++


Sky
Not far
I will be here

I do think of my friend a lot

But that chapter has closed and
The ending thereof has already been written

++

I am still uppity
Was reading what some other users were doing

Thanks be unto God that I am still here.



There's a kind of accountability in the world
That fails .

And only exists for confusion



Being alone sucks.

How many members can I cut off and still function?




All I have and all I need.

Even if I make my bed in hell.
You are there.

Uppity the demon

Jones the demon

Pendulum the demon



A sickness of too much

Ah, now too little.


Ah just right.



Goldilocks the demon.


Enter into thine house and learn what it means to wean as an adult.



Uppity
Down
Up
Down


There is no balance.


It's a see-saw with high sensitivity



I am caught in the land of uppity

And I want to come down



But gravity seems so passive

Darkness for light


Candle under a bushel


Light of the world


Salt of the earth


Fruits of the spirit


+++++

Dirty mouth
Dirty life
Reputation
Hypocrisy

++

Wind
Invisible
Secret
Hidden


++

Public
Testimony
Sounding a trumpet


Hypocrite
Irony
Retribution

Leaven

Leaven is hypocrisy

It is filth.

It is like fecal matter in the hands of a chef.


+


Hypocrite pastors

Powerless leaders

Disgusting

+

Perverted priest

Masters of divinity

Masters of disappointment

+

Pastors

Shepperds

Failures.

+

The church was ripe with fruitless trees.

Fruits that appear as fruits but cannot be eaten

Weak embers, that cannot even twinkle in the night

+

Let the darkness swallow you up.

Let the axe be laid to the roots.

For a meaningless fire I refuse to be

+

Walk the walk.

Talk the stfu