We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place just been to pick it up and as we were driving home, we heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
We thought what the hell is that? Has something got in the bag? We thought we could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and two little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers,
I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...

... A Peking Duck!!!

Someone should make a brand of morning- after pill called "BBB Gone".

Jeesh, I didn't even remember for this messed up post of mine XD

theres a resort in the poconos called camelback resort. they have an indoor waterpark. if the resort is called camelback, then they should call the water park cameltoe...

Corny Joke

Stevie Wonder did a concert in Japan and asked for any requests

A Japanese man yelled "I want a jazz cord" . Impressed that the man apparently knew his background in Jazz he played a rift in C minus
The same Japanese man replied "No , No. I want a jazz cord!" Of cause Stevie was a bit annoyed but played another rift in B flat
For a second time the same Japanese man again replied "No , No. I want a jazz cord!"

Stevie now fed up offered him the Mic and asked "ok wise guy lets see you do better!"
The Japanese guy grabbed the mic and sang "A jazz cord , to say I ruv you!"

This post was edited by kai_jph on Sep 18 2019 07:03am

I bought some auto body paint the other day, but it didn't work, I had to paint myself.

I only like sex with experienced women. I have a virgin aversion.

whats the best way to cook a crocodile?


in a croc pot.

Some people have charisma. I just have asthma...