by acquiring as many +skills summoning charms and items before casting my iron golem and then spawning him, can i take the +skills stuff off and lower the lvl of my irongolem without him disappearing?

Oh? I have never tried that/ Why not try an experiment. Create an iron golem with a cheap or throw-away item and see what the effect is when you remove your + items.
I usually stick with clay even at 98. I do need to try an iron out one of these ladders.

once you cast it, it stays with the same stats until you make a new game. If you don't have a point in iron golem, it will die though

so just say i add 9 summon charms, an anni, and a torch, and all plus gear and cast him at lvl say 45, then respec (while wearing a +1 iron golem wand) it would reset all skills but keep golem alive) then i could respec into poison and bone say?

So long as what Hyperdimension has mentioned is not the case. If you have zero points in iron golem (as in you cast him due to an item with +1 to iron golem) and you accidentally switch to weapons or items with no +1 to iron golem, poof goes the iron golem.

pretty much im wondering if i should add as many plus skills that i can to the golem and make him out of a pride. then i will be switching my +summon charms out for all res/lifer smalls for pvp. will iron golem stay big pree buffed, even tho the charms are no longer there. meaning i preebuff the iron golem 1 time, and of course if he never dies. also it would add skills to golem mastery which would add hella life to the iron golem making him stronger with a less chance of dying while then switching to small lifer/res for duels.

I think Hyperdimension's response covers that: "once you cast it, it stays with the same stats until you make a new game".

If you respect golem will die. Iron golem is made at the start of each game. So if you want to make it stronger "precasting" it you must wear +skill items BEFORE leaving a game, so when you join the new game golem will be made strong.

if you respect your golem he will die

if you respec golem die, even if you wear +1 golem item