6 years, no ring.. you both arent meant for each other. be true to yourself and move on with your life

Looks like I owe everyone an update since I completely ignored everyone. Sorry I have been reading responses and PMs from this.
First off, thank you. I really needed the support and general care/thoughts sent my way.

I've been isolating a lot from this pandemic. Normally I am at shows, playing shows (metal musician), gaming groups, small parties...ect. The last 6 months I've spend in a deeper self-reflection, in part thanks to this post and forcing the issue I've been sitting on for years. Thanks to social isolation and tendentious getting worse, I started smoking a bit more weed and meditating/praying. This is a TL;DR of the last 6 months, not an impulse of the week.

I missed a very important part of this: myself. I was worried about finding the 'perfect person' and how she is supposed to fix me. I never examined the baggage I brought to the relationship, just hers. And I have a lot: I've been betrayed/abandoned by close friends, my last fiance cheated on me, and I was raised by a narcissist social path.
I also have been hanging on to things from 5 years ago, when she was still a student and still living with her parents. I forgot how much she has changed.... She is not the same person I met as a last-minute roommate. She has passions, a degree, started a career path, and defeated her social anxiety. I've been holding on to a frustration from 4 years ago because I was so wrapped up in my problems that I never gave her the time. I needed to re-set my thinking too. I've been selfish

I had wanted to propose to her last year, and the year before. I didn't because at first I got scared and the second time a shit load of events distracted me.
This time I ordered the engagement item in December (3 months before the original post) and prayed. I didn't hear back from the supplier and I went through my doubts again and fears of a 'perfect partner' like above.
I decided to ask a friend who's both my age, and has been married 8ish years. We are vary similar and share the same beliefs. It was from his counsel I realized what I'm sure most of you were yelling me as obvious: the 'perfect' partner isn't someone I meet and fall in a fairy tale story with, its someone we grow through. Growth wasn't instant, it was years. It was years looking back at who I was, who she was, and how we changed. We encouraged each other, took the bad with the good, and kept going. I don't want to walk away, not because of the time spent with her, but because I like being around her. Even through my dumb actions, questionable friends, and rash decisions, she has not only stood by me, but also supported and never held me back. If I went out for a weekend with friends she never questioned me or got jealous, I don't even think it's part of her thinking. Does she worry? yes. If I'm gone longer than I first told her does she ask? of course. She trusted me completely and I took it for granted because shes been there for so long.

I never stopped to think that she could get tired of my bullshit and leave.

But she didn't.

She wanted me to open up more, talk deeper about my concerns, to be more honest about my fears and doubts.

I made one more prayer asking for something solid, clarity. The next day the supplier for the engagement item responded to me.

I proposed to her on the 8th with a hand-forged real damascus steel dagger.
She said yes.

Since that moment I have felt an unknown joy. Comfort. Like a weight finally lifted from my shoulders.
This thing called happy?... I grew up with clinical depression my whole life, this feels so different.

I still feel that way now. We've been together for 6 years, and I feel same the way when we first dated. While writing and looking through posts again I feel even more confidence that I made the right choice.
I needed to put her before me. I needed to commit and face what I have ran away from. A lot of this was tied to my faith in God and running from Him because 'I was hurt'. Its not about me, it's about Him. It's about her. It's about something more than me.