This isn't my genre by any means, but for what it's worth here are my thoughts.
I really like the sample you've used here. The mournful piano pairs well with the tone of the lyrics you've written.
The tracks flows very well and you definitely have vocal talent in terms of your delivery and emotion.
Instead of the 'luxray beats' branding playing over your lyrics in the middle, maybe save it for the outro or a purely instrumental section like you did at the start.
Definitely prioritize investing in a home studio mic setup, there are some good recommendations to be found on youtube from voice acting professionals and musicians. You can probably get a more than good enough setup for $100-$150 then it's just a case of basic soundproofing which could be as simple as some pillows and blankets.
Good luck, even though it's not my favorite genre I enjoyed the track.