Yeah, I didn't necessarily mean to insinuate that you had a subpar career, I was tired at the time and was just writing what came to mind without editing, hence the lack of paragraphs in my text. What I meant was, you should still be focusing on yourself, not just your career, but gaining life experience and developing yourself are just as important at your age. I just meant, don't sit back and fall into this trap where you settle for a less than satisfactory lifestyle with someone who is not working with you as a team. Don't become complaisant and stagnate. There's still so much to experience in life, and look what you're doing as a result of your so called partner. I know how hard it is to leave someone you have a long history with, it's so easy to talk yourself out of leaving, but trust me, if things were right between you pair, you wouldn't be on here talking about leaving her. 50% is a huge percentage of you that doesn't want to be with her. Actions speak louder than words, so regardless of if you want to permanently leave her or not, you need to make a stand and leave to show her you are not putting up with her lack of effort and respect for you and the relationship. Either she sees the error of her ways and changes or you have sped up the inevitable. Either way it is win/win.

Answer me this, does the girl set your soul on fire and motivate you to be a better man? Does a simple smile from her turn your entire day around from negative to positive? Would you die for this girl?

If the answer is no (which I am guessing it is after reading your posts) then she is not the one my friend.

No worries, thanks for clarifying your point.

On the latter half of what you said... "Does the girl set your soul on fire and motivate you to be a better man?" Assuming I find a girl that makes me feel this way, wouldn't that eventually die out anyways? Just over time, being with her everyday, doesn't that fire slowly die out? Surely, it won't be as strong as it was in the first place. I'm finding it hard to convince myself that a girl can spark me like that, a movie-like romance, where you just look at her and she's like this angelic being that's the most beautiful person in the world (seeing as how there are plentiful beautiful women out there) and you just know she's the one.

I guess what you're saying is... you know when it feels right and when it feels wrong. Clearly, it feels wrong here, and although I haven't experienced it yet, I will know it feels right when the time comes. And I guess what I'm saying is, idk if I'll ever know if it "feels right" and "she's the one," cuz there will be flaws here and there, big or small, and I don't believe in a match-made in heaven 100%, flawless, perfect relationship.

I think that it is relative and wouldn't agree with using such words, everyone may have own priorities, for me lack of cooking skills or lack of willingness to participate in house works would not be reason to finish, especially with given circumstances (successful career, studying at school). Serious reasons, in my feeling, could include not caring in wider sense (in addition to mentioned, it could include no conversations about serious matters, no efforts when it's really needed because of illness or other independent circumstances), being angry or aggressive without justified reason, spending too much time outside with others while neglecting own relation. Longer time spent together allows to get to know someone and feel safer, therefore I would consider it as positive factor increasing over time, rather than fire slowly dying out.

This post was edited by icecool on Sep 25 2019 06:24pm

I wouldn’t settle

You aren't taking into account what the op finds important and what is concerning him though, you are just belittling his issues with issues you feel are more serious. You sound like the type to settle by the way you justify her actions. If the girl won't even pull her weight when it comes to something as basic as picking up some groceries on the way home then what are the chances of her pulling her weight in a far more serious matter? I can't speculate on how far reaching this attitude goes so I can't give a definitive on that, but it's relative. I would say refusal to do something that basic is more concerning than refusal to do something more taxing. It sounds petty, but it's the underlying message that she is sending that is the concern. If it goes unchecked it will snowball over time. That's how I see it anyway.

Dude if this is the only reason you're still with her, run for the fucking hills.

These posts and replies give a lot of good information. Underneath my friend I will tell you a short story about my life and let you make a decision with that.

I was with my ex wife for 7 years. She "set my soul on fire" while being an extremely beautiful and intelligent woman. I was a very successful young man, having finished school and gotten a job in the near 100k range. Mere conversation was all that was needed with her to enjoy my day. We could sit in an empty room with two chairs and nothing else talking for hours, laughing, making love, etc. at the same time, we went on an adventure almost everyday, trips, exploring our city, making friends, etc all while never having one serious or even moderate argument the whole time. This feeling for me grew stronger as I realized I was lucky enough to have married my best friend. One who did all the things I asked. A true partnership, no one doing more than the other, but both doing all they can at the same time.

This is where I have to say that LarryTheLoafer is right. A woman cannot and does not feel the same love that a man feels. Men can love women unconditionally. Women cannot, they search for the best mate they can have and those signs that signal value have nothing to do with a mans love for them.

After 7 years of being with my best friend, growing as a man, building a strong career and never being a "bitch", I came home from work to find half of my things missing, court papers, and a letter saying she "was not as attracted to me anymore". Mind you I am more fit now than ever before, make a ton of money, and am very popular. Those things do not matter to them if another man of higher value enters their lives. She left me for the rich CEO of an accounting firm and he subsequently beat the crap out of her - she ran back to me but I closed the door because I am a real man who doesn't take that crap.

Looking back I can see there were times I was disrespected by her. Times she showed me she didn't value me like I thought she did. Your girl/woman shows you these signs everyday. I have lost my best years to this without truly knowing the signs and what to do. You have asked people for their experiences/advice and I believe she does not care for or value you as she should. She will leave you soon enough, probably after she gets 3-4 real paychecks as a pharmacist, if you do not leave soon.


Good luck stranger, let me know what happens.

This post was edited by AntiMatter5 on Sep 29 2019 08:43pm

Ouch... you found "the one" only to have it all taken away after 7 years. Sounds like your money didn't satisfy her the way she wanted, which was more. Was she always materialistic and wanting to buy things during your relationship?

An update to all: I broke up with her on 9/27. It was definitely tough. I thought she still had feelings/things that she didn't like about me, but she said since the last time we talked about them, I've worked on them and have been better. So, to her, I was the perfect man. Unfortunately, I did not have the same feelings. It was a very one-sided breakup so it crushed me to know that. It would've been wayyy easier if she had at least a little bit of mutual feelings. I'm currently going through the phase of "Did I make the right decision?" But I'm holding strong and not trying to go back, until I at least experience life without her and dating others. We still need to live together for at least a month (we need to give a 30 day move-out notice and find places for ourselves). Only until we move out, it won't feel like we really broke up.

This post was edited by Underneath on Sep 30 2019 02:36pm

I agree with Bellamy. A healthy relationship takes work, and this girl sounds like she isn't putting in the effort. It's understandable if a partner isn't ready to make large sacrifices after only a couple of years (like moving to a new country etc), but not helping around the house? Fuck that. She has to pull her weight.

This is actually pretty good advice for some situations. It's not universally applicable, but it's surprisingly efficient. The other person will also possibly realize that you are doing stuff for real. If the issue has a deal-breaker status, you have nothing but to win doing that because a break-up only means the other person is not willing/able to meet your demands...and them we proceed to think which demands warrant such actions... that's a much more difficult topic. It's all about your priorities and what you really want in life

This post was edited by Neptunus on Oct 1 2019 04:11pm