So ill preface this with saying I am NOT actively suicidal.
I've often thought about suicide, but not in a " fuck this im going to kill myself i hate life" kind of way....
more of like... if things get bad enough for me, if I get a terminal illness or something like that, I think I would rather commit suicide vs not enjoy living on a day to day basis.
Go as deep into debt as possible, go crazy on credit cards, take out some loans... go on an epic 2 month long binger and end it with a bang.... could think of worse ways to go out in life
so yes I sort of romanticize suicide and might do it one day but this doesnt make me suicidal does it?
The devil in us all begs for death, and destruction, brother. Even on our best day the void calls to us all- while you watch a train pass and ask yourself “what if I go in front of it?” That is the void calling you to where you’re from, and to where you will return. To live life to it’s fullest you have to live alongside death.. max your credit cards, sniff cocaine off a prostitute, drive a motorcycle at 120mph, jump out of airplane, whatever it takes to remind yourself alive.
What you’re describing doesn’t sound like romanticizing suicide, but acknowledging that life in its purest experience requires the self to risk annihilation. It’s beautiful
