My best friend died by suicide on February 11, 2011, and my girlfriend was murdered on September 21, 2012. He was my best friend and she was my last love. I think about how he killed himself due to his girlfriend cheating while he was on deployment, and I think about how she was shot in her back by some coward trying to rob the store where she worked. My roommate was also murdered a few weeks after my best friend hung himself (March 3, 2011), so there's that as well. Losing all three of them shaped a lot of who I am now. Because of that, February is a very hard month for me emotionally, and I get pretty edgy TBH. I don't always handle being around people well during that time-not because of anything anyone does, but because grief comes back in ways that are hard to predict or control. I'm doing my best to live responsibly and respectfully. There are some moments where I need distance or quiet to do that.
Luckily, I beat alcoholism a while back, so now I just smoke the good ole grass to mellow out from all the pain. In addition to that, I take a few different meds for PTSD (lots of other horrible things have happened), major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety.
And that's what valentines day really is.