I'm not going to argue with you about the Lord Jesus, but I will leave this here for you.
A few weeks ago and dear brother of mine and I were talking about speaking in tongues, and he asked me a question about it and I told him what I knew (having not have spoken in tongues myself 'yet' :))
We were on our way back from cleaning a building and had a long 2 hour drive. He's an amazing young man. The Lord Jesus filled him with the Holy Spirit in the vehicle, and he began speaking in tongues. Then, this young man prayed over me. At the same time, the Lord Jesus gave him a vision of me crying in my bedroom, and he told me exactly what only the Lord Jesus could see. God is known as 'El Roi,' the 'God who sees.' God gave him a vision of me weeping in my bedroom on my bed to the left, where my bed is.
I am sharing this with you as a testimony, that God above is not 'fake.' He is very real and very present. He's done miracles in my life. I was a terrible sinner before I came to the Lord Jesus, before the Lord Jesus saved me. When I weep it is usually because of the confusion that stems from my old life, which was crucified with Christ.
You'll surely call this an anecdote, and write it off as lies. But I tell you the truth, I gain nothing by lying to you. Rather, I take this opportunity in sharing the truth with you to awaken your senses to the Spirit of God, who loves you and is waiting for you to come to Him for forgiveness and remission of your sins, so that you may be healed, redeemed, and have the hope of everlasting life living in you and an eternal home in Heaven with God.
As for those saying crude things about God here, I don't know what gives you those impressions. God's Word is filled with His Glorious nature and person.
Psalm 127:3
King James Version
3 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalms 91:1-16 - He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. (Read More...)
2 Thessalonians 3:3 - But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.
Psalms 46:1 - (To the chief Musician for the sons of Korah, A Song upon Alamoth.) God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Isaiah 54:17 - No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.
Psalms 5:11 - But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
Isaiah 41:10 - Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Psalms 138:7 - Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me.
Psalm 145:9
King James Version
9 The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.
103 Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The Lord executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.
7 He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel.
8 The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
Acts 3:26
King James Version
26 Unto you first God, having raised up his Son Jesus, sent him to bless you, in turning away every one of you from his iniquities.
What an absolutely amazing God.
Also, 'Unicorns' in the Bible is referring to Rhinos.
One again, may the Lord Jesus open your eyes to the truth of who He is and what He has done and does for us every day
. In Jesus Mighty, and most precious Name, I pray. Amen.