The most tone deaf - daft reply to OP's thread.
The brains chemistry simply doesn't work like that, unfortunately.
I'm pushing 14 years sober (you can do it OP!) but it's not something you "beat". The battle that it starts as doesn't stay so hard, but there's the constant vigilance that a slip up can come, and more frustratingly, is how easy it is to substitute the bad tendencies with new things.
In the end, I've learned that all addicts are addicted to the same thing - more - and becoming self aware to seeing when we're falling into that pattern takes time. Avoid the dopamine hits, sit in that silence and find the peace after the grief, then you'll find the vibrance and enjoyment in everything else. Also, more difficult to accept - don't expect celebration or acceptance if bridges have been burnt. That's the hardest part to deal with, is even if you full 180 and make full improvement in your life, there will always be some that have made you the villain in their minds.
Breathe, mediate, grieve and truly feel the emotions. It gets better after they're confronted
The story of the cow and the buffalo
They both sense a storm approaching
The cow will run from the storm, becoming exhausted and depleted, but the storm reaches the cow no matter how long or far he runs and is engulfed in the storm
The buffalo will run into the storm, bracing himself and taking it head on, soon the storm passes the buffalo and he is able to enjoy what the storm has brought him - water, grass, life