So I'm 15, I go to school (I feel as if im being forced to, not willing) I feel as if I'm some sort of robot, controlled by my parents Do this Do that.
I hate school, I walk into the doors miserable, I put on a fake smile to mask how fucking depressed I am.
But, I am not here to tell you my life story or ask for your sympathy, because quite frankly there is none to be shared.
I am a smoker, I smoke weed, nothing else. I haven't done anything else, except smoked the odd cigarette.
I don't eat, I don't want to be around anyone, I just want to be alone, but I don't mind talking to people, I don't shoo away people, I enjoy company.


Now for what I'm really trying to get at and searching for help is.

When I'm high, I feel happy, I want to go school, I want to see my friends, I want to eat, I do what my parents ask, why is that when I'm not high, I feel like I a different person?

Is it really the weed that's helping me?

I'm not trolling, say whatever you please, if you can help me, do.
If you want to bring me down even more, go ahead. I'm at the lowest I can be.

This post was edited by TwilightJr on Feb 22 2011 09:14pm

I found weed did the opposite for me.

Weed has been savior, idk where I would be if I didn't smoke...

You need to talk to someone.

Your school has counselors you can approach for free, and nobody has to find out about it.

It's a pretty freaky thing to do, but it will help to talk to someone about it, and they can offer you guidance. The fact that you've posted this here is telling enough that you are aware of the issues and want to change them.

Drugs aren't the answer, even if it is something as relatively harmless as weed.

but it's the only thing that has helped me, my friends try to but they just can't get through to me. I can't talk to anyone, no one wants to help, because if they did, it would already of happened.

I'm not saying I need weed, I've been sick for quite some time, and not like "common cold" sick, I mean ill.
And weed was the only thing I had, my father disregards my feelings, my whole family does. I wasn't even wanted in my family, so why can't I do what I want?
Weed has more positive effects on me then negative.

This post was edited by TwilightJr on Feb 22 2011 10:07pm

It won't last forever though.

I wish you the best in the coming times.

it's probably all in your head.

hating school is mostly immaturity. just go and do it. get what you can out of it.

Unless your parents are complete retards, you should be grateful you have them and listen to them. You're 15, you're not an adult.

This post was edited by stupidkid282 on Feb 22 2011 10:30pm

i suggest you try meditating. i was in the same situation as far as depression and smoking weed in high school. Meditating helped me realize how to balance myself and see myself and the world more clearly. While we're awake in this world our subconsious is usually overloaded with so man thoughts and judgements that it is hard to focus on anything, especially if your depressed. You smoke weed because it changes the chemicals in your brain to make you feel better and consequently changes your thought patterns to see through negative inhabitions and thoughts that effect you while your sober. By meditating and focusing your awareness to detach from the external world you are able to consciously see and disect individual thoughts and feelings. Then you can take on each issue in your life one at a time as oppose to being overwhelmed while having so many thoughts flying through your head at a time. there is a balance between body and mind so instead of using drugs you can learn to focus and raise your level of mind and consequently feel better. Once you get good at it its just like if your web browser starts lagging while loading a page you can just click the 'refresh' buttton. Now if i ever feel nervous or negative i can close my eyes and refresh my mind with in seconds to give mental momentum to face what ever is causing it; instead of having lingering thoughts that make your mind stagnant.. causing depression. I really hope this helps man lmk if you want any advice

"it is easier to reflect in a still pond then in a flowing river"

i agree u might be down but just get over it and get on with your life, if you think positive u have a better chance of getting better, than if u keep being negative

Seriously, talk to your school counselor. Go when you're high if you think it'll help you to open up. Anything you tell them is confidential, so admitting drug use can't hurt you. There are people in your life that are around you and will gladly help you, but you can't count on people to know you need help until you ask for it first, especially since something like clinical depression is incredibly easy to overlook.