i dunno if i wanna get more dex or strength or what..or which charm to get / armor / wep

your dex/str should be in accordance with your weapon (check the ratios at the ls shrine at the top right) so get charms with +str or +dex depending on your weapon.
armors should have enhanced effect for more defence. Go with scales or chains.
weapons you want enhanced effect for more damage.

For a tank, you will want to get an ee armor since str/dex will only increase your dmg.