Ive been cutting since January. Down to 165 from 195 .

Still not as lean as I won't to be but I don't wanna lose too much more weight . But I'm terrified to bulk again in fears that I will get fat and do another failed bulk where I put on 20+ lbs in 4 months and need to spend another 8 cutting just to lose it...

that's your problem. You've figured out how to cut, albeit slowly, I'd recommend really focusing on your intake, "clean bulk," then work on the cutting

I track basically everything .

I think my problem is that I go by the calculators and it tells me to bulk on 3200 Cals and that ends up being too much but I don't change and drop the cals

That's the point behind reverse dieting out of a deficit... because your metabolism is slower than would be expected based purely on changes in bf% and ffm, largely due to leptin

As you start bulking keep the same diet you had whilst cutting but add a few hundred calories and weigh yourself each week at the same time and assess from there
Especially if you're upping largely from carbs at the start, a few lbs in the first couple of weeks fine due to changes in glycogen stores and accompanying water
after that you know how fast you should gain and just adjust from there. Forget some silly calculator. See how slowly/fast you're losing fat at the end of the cut and use that to assess how deep in a deficit you are. Adjust from that. If you can maintain cuts for that long it shouldn't be a problem to reverse diet out of one for 1-2 months

Thank you. As always giving great advice.

bulking on 3200 wat

i used to cut at more than that

when you weigh more than 125 lbs you need more fuel nah mean

Lol

Slow metabolism I guess? I'm 6'1 and 165