went to school today

didnt talk with anyone

dating site is not working for me. used to get dates with 1/5 girls msg'd. now getting dates with 1/30. last girl leaving me when i was about to penetrate has had strange effects. no motivation for anything, feel like fukin someone and never speaking to them again

appetite has came back. been drinking a lot but find i can never get drunk enough to dull the pain to an acceptable level. constant thoughts of being gone

got an appointment with a bpd specialist next wednesday. this makes 3 simultaneous therapists. not sure ive heard of anyone resorting to this before. havent spoken to mother in days. mostly ignore her when she speaks to me. cant imagine where ill be in 5 years, or even 1. if i continue down this path i think ill develop mutism. personality fades more and more. feel like im not a person but a vessel traveling aimlessly through a set amount of yeears. i dont think a god with infinite power could heal me. alcohol wearing off. up to 2 pints at night, sometimes with sleeping pills. oddly, it disgusts me, as does any abnormal psychological state. it beats the alternative.

getting sleepy. hopefully pass out soon.

fingerling- 8/29/14

Not hating on you mate, but you could post this in user blogs? Would be more private and less available for people to troll you/get you down.

I can't say I've experienced what you have, but I did suffer depression for around 2-3 years so I understand some of the pain and some of what you're saying is relate-able.
I spoke to a psychiatrist 3 times and I figured out a solution on my own that's worked for me. I can't tell you that what I say will help, but if you need someone to talk to you can always pm me.

I'll see if I can find a little thing I wrote when I was feeling down that helped convey my feelings. See if you relate

Subbed

Gage says hi

thank you for the kind words
i will post in user blogs

inb4schoolshootingsiteshutdown

my anger is internal. any hate for others is indirectly caused by disdain for myself
i wont hurt anyone

Do what u know u should...

but u dont want to...




only way. GL

Please just fucking make a new account and post in love line or post in blog posts ffs.

I don't wanna have to manually report through PM every useless fucking threads you make. This is H&F, post about either health or fitness or get the fuck out already.

I'm being totally serious. Why do you take this subforum as your go-to for things clearly no one cares about. Take the hint, you're in the wrong place. I don't come here to talk about league of legends or girls I'm dating.

do u think i care if ur joking or serious u fat ugly sack of nerd shit

'this is hnf, post about health or fitness' since when is mental health not a part of health? I realize ur a musician, and by virtue of that, not incredibly intelligent, but 'health' isn't so ambiguous that a non-retard shouldnt be able to discern 'fingerling mental health' is a health related thread.
why do you open my threads, which you hate? Are you an adult? doy you have the ability to ignore irritations and annoyances? It would be one thing if you were forced to read everything I write but you are willingly clicking on a thread created by user fingerling and then reading said thread. Fuck, myna me was even in the title this time.

I think you are low, and I would be quite pleased at hearing of your passing. Trust me when I tell you I absolutely hate you.

Please just go away and live your mediocre life-- you fat fuck.