Quote (fingerling @ Aug 6 2014 05:45pm)

Anxiety, depression, and BPD ( which happens to be highly comorbid with anxiety and depression)

Was on lamotrigine and clonazepam and paxil but felt full zombie mode and started having weird breathing issues.

Just on valproic acid and clonazepam now.


Symptoms-- pick any site summarizing BPD and that's it. I fit the mold 100%. I experience all the symptoms and they are getting worse as I age ( which is strange as typically the symptoms dissipate over time)

Chronic, terribly labile moods is probably the worst. Literally go from neutral/happy to suicidally depressed and back to somewhat normal again within a period of 20 minutes. Sometimes the moods last longer. 1-2 weeks of not speaking to or barely looking at anyone, a week or two of upbeat, joyful mood. Mostly my moods shift between extremely anxious and fearful to extremely empty and lonely to very irritable and angry. One tiny insignificant event can ruin my whole day and make me desperately depressed and impulsively dangerous to myself-- someone canceling plans, someone saying something minor that I interpret to be derogatory, or generally just brooding over my circumstances

Absolutely no sense of identity. I act different around everyone. I am self conscious and extremely anxious most times and thus try to form my expression into something I perceive people to want or respect. I definitely have no sense of self.

Hyper sensitive to the smallest 'negative' experiences. Sister did something I didn't like, didn't talk to her for years ( live in same house). Cousin made a move on my ex gf when we were like 16, haven't spoken to him since. I hold grudges for an inordinate amount of time and generally either like someone or hate them. Not really ever any middle ground.

Speaking of liking, I feel zero compassion or empathy. I do not love my mother or any family members. At this moment I have loved one person in my life and it was my gf of two years in hs. Anyone who wrongs me I immediately want dead. Do not want them to suffer, just want them off earth.

Mostly I continue with the thought that I'll end it soon, even though I don't think I ever could. Lots of physical exertion or pain to block the mental anguish ( cutting, punching, intense prolonged exercise, ice baths, sitting in a hot car), sleeping pills, and alcohol.

Really a strange disorder to have as someone with a problem like having solely anxiety may be motivated to get better no matter what but given the chronic turbulence of emotions and moods and my inability to regulate them my desires and motives change constantly. The moment I am positive is quickly replaced by a negative after my emotional shift.

Quote (fingerling @ 6 Aug 2014 19:06)

This is kind of the same topic but it's starting to annoy the fuk out of me and I can't take the stress and am probably going to leave her.

Just started dating a month ago and already it's becoming 3-4 days in between seeing each other. How normal is this? Driving me fucking crazy

Quote (fingerling @ Aug 6 2014 09:06pm)

This is kind of the same topic but it's starting to annoy the fuk out of me and I can't take the stress and am probably going to leave her.

Just started dating a month ago and already it's becoming 3-4 days in between seeing each other. How normal is this? Driving me fucking crazy

Quote (HyphyIll @ Aug 6 2014 09:10pm)

not normal stop it brah

Quote (fingerling @ Aug 6 2014 09:13pm)

im not joking...

she will see me, not see me for 3-4 days, meanwhile the whole fuking time she's telling me she misses me and is doing shit with her friends and sitting at her house doing nothing............. while shes telling me she misses me... sitting at her house doing nothing.... while i sit doing nothing....

fucking bullshit i hate girls and i hate my inability to see past the perspective from my own shoes. I cannot imagine, for seemingly no reason, going 4 days without seeing someone i started dating seriously a month ago and really like

Quote (fingerling @ 6 Aug 2014 19:13)

im not joking...

she will see me, not see me for 3-4 days, meanwhile the whole fuking time she's telling me she misses me and is doing shit with her friends and sitting at her house doing nothing............. while shes telling me she misses me... sitting at her house doing nothing.... while i sit doing nothing....

fucking bullshit i hate girls and i hate my inability to see past the perspective from my own shoes. I cannot imagine, for seemingly no reason, going 4 days without seeing someone i started dating seriously a month ago and really like

Quote (fingerling @ Aug 6 2014 09:25pm)

contrary to what most of u think im not an idiot. i barely give her anything on the days we dont see each other.

and im not going to keep asking every day to see her. i have probably initiated 90% of the time.

she knows fairly well about my issues and that im generally not up to a whole lot.

it hurts to want to see someone when they really dont want to see you ( it seems) and i havent had anything last more than 2-3 dates since my gf of two years left me.

i dont see me handling this well when it ends and the longer it goes the more damage it will cause

but how can i be a dick and say no i cant see you anymore, you dont have enough time for me, when she wants to see me but is busy with other things

Quote (fingerling @ Aug 6 2014 09:25pm)

contrary to what most of u think im not an idiot. i barely give her anything on the days we dont see each other.

and im not going to keep asking every day to see her. i have probably initiated 90% of the time.

she knows fairly well about my issues and that im generally not up to a whole lot.

it hurts to want to see someone when they really dont want to see you ( it seems) and i havent had anything last more than 2-3 dates since my gf of two years left me.

i dont see me handling this well when it ends and the longer it goes the more damage it will cause

but how can i be a dick and say no i cant see you, you dont have time, when she wants to see me but is busy with other things