Yeah man, my ex once told me there's an empty void inside her no one else could fill as good as me.

For real thoughs, on saturday nights when she (probably) gets drunk, she hits me a text, acting all interested and complimentary (not as specific as listed above) and then probably doesn't care anymore when she's not horny and tipsy anymore the next day. Playing along like Plato.

This is kind of friendship where anal porn is optional

Last girl I banged the sex was awful. It was not good at all, she then proceeds to tell my friend I'm bad in bed and then made out with him.

I then laughed , he laughed and then we had some pizza. The pizza was better than the sex

Little ceasars? Or digiorno?

none of that shit , some local place