Quote (cloudkicker @ 13 Aug 2014 08:44)
When are you going to understand that there's nothing actually wrong with you? Just find something you actually enjoy and use that to occupy your time, and through that you can build meaningful relationships with people. I really like cats and dogs and am thinking I want to be a vet, so my goal for this year is to find an animal shelter and a vet clinic to volunteer at so I can get experience just being with animals. Maybe you should take up hiking nearby trails to try to find the beauty in natural landscapes
This is some good advice but let me get you to the starting point that should help you [fingerling, or really anyone who wants help] make all the change you want to make.
Define your values. It will make all the difference because it will provide a
compass for your actions. Doing this will put your emotions in balance. If your values don't conflict, then decision-making gets easier, and life becomes fun, rather than shitty and confused. Now comes the cloudkicker part: ask yourself, what do you want in life? Spend more time working toward that than wasting time on other pusuits.
You think you're super awkward and scoially retarded? Then get smart about it. Ask questions, read, interact. Put yourself out there. But define your values first. Reset your expectations so that you neither expect nor fear rejection. I wouldn't say write off anyone who doesn't accept you, because most people do judge others and don't really accept them for who they are. But fuck them. Work on who you are and what you want, and don't LOWER your expectations because life isn't going your way. Do the exact opposite.
RAISE your expectations.
I would recommend spending time today thinking about what you value. Whether it's love, learning, curiosity, wealth, lifting weights ... just rank what you value, whether it's 10 things or 50 things. It doesn't need to be a perfect list. But your list of values can then define what you decide to do and how you feel about your life. Think about it. Let's say you value love as #1. Well, don't go out like a fool looking for love everywhere.
Give love. Frame your experiences in terms of it. If you persist, that's what you're going to expect, see, and feel. It's not a trick. Reality is what we perceive it to be. But you have to want it. If you can create a coherent picture using values that don't conflict (i.e., if you equally value being on time and working as fast as you can, that's fucked), then you will eek out joy in your existence. Eventually the picture will change and life will be great.
You prioritize values and you spend the most time on what you value most, because that's what you believe in. That's what leaders do. You don't need to do what most people do, which is to live in fear of taking full responsibility for your life and spend most of it wasting time. You can be brave and you can do whatever the fuck you want. Think about the result you want from your life and feel it as if it's there right now. That's the motivation you need to go out and get it.
^^ One of the reasons why my life has gone "smoothly" is that I knew what I believed in and I knew what I valued from a very early stage. I did lose touch for a few years at one point, but otherwise it has been relatively smooth sailing. I developed my values really early on because I had really smart and helpful parents (and I got a really lucky deal in my genetics) and I started off living in a really tough environment. So developing those values was my response. If you grow up with your own values and you choose to live by them, you will be able to define your own success. Life is never going to be easy but you can control how you feel about it most of the time. That's what I meant by taking responsibility. You can start now. Make one of your values turn the switch on excuse-making and complaining. "I will not make excuses" and "I will not complain" aren't just useful mantras. They point to values of hard work and appreciating your own time and efforts, along with giving life and humanity value.
If you want some help in all of this, shoot me a PM.
This post was edited by RewtheBrave on Aug 13 2014 09:57am