Quote (carteblanche @ May 9 2016 09:39pm)
how can i make myself competitive? i've never had the drive to win competitions, to be better than anyone else, try to convince people my opinion is right, or had ambition. it's impacted my school, dating, and career. most recently i started playing chess again online. but as soon as the game stops being interesting, i resign and move on. so i haven't won a game in long time since i resign instead of checkmating the opponent. i'm the only chess player i know who does that, so i dont think it's normal.
It definitely is not "normal" but also not that uncommon either. Lack of ambition, particularly in winning, is a sign of early-age traumatic emotional response to significant events. Generally, something we perceive as silly, insignificant, or mild in our current mindset, could have been groundshaking for long-term psychological effects as a child. That being said, the only solution to issues like this is therapy and being able to talk and open up to someone who understands human emotion and psychology. Bottom line, I highly recommend that you spend some time with a psychiatrist and see if you can work the problems out.