since leaving i've been with 5-6 more girls and i've been feeling shittier after each one. everytime i have sex with a girl i lose more respect for myself, girls, and life overall.

my therapist abandoned me. i managed to get by this semester with mostly b's. i didn't start studying until the last few weeks of classes, luckily they weren't too hard this term.

took the MMPI-3. minnesota multiphasic personality inventory. at the request of one of my therapists. would post results if anyone is interested/ knows about it (i've read up on it a bit but don't fully understand the results myself and i was high and drunk off nyquil when i was supposed to talk with her about my result sso didnt do it )

what else.. i lost a lot of weight from being so stressed and sick of life. whats funny is when i left u guys i had dated that girl for 3 months and was heartbroken it didnt work. well i end up meeting another one about a month later and dated her for 3 months we got srs as fuk met her family stayed together every night took a trip to another state together for a job interview, etc. anyway she said she couldnt deal with my anxiety and i was too negative (but i was drunk and high on klonopin so i didnt know what i was saying) so i said ok well i don't want to be a negative influence on your life so yeah i left her. still think about her every day. but now im gaining weight again so im not eating much

so i was going to move back home and live with my mom and just say fuk life get drunk every day etc but i signed up for classes again nxt semester. got what... cell bio, immunology, and some other shit. hope it isnt too hard cuz i cant focus fer shit. i tried to tell one of my teachers i couldnt make it to lab (went to their office) and was only planning to say i csnt make it today im not feeling well can i make it up but ended up crying it just came out i couldnt help it now he thinks im a fukin nutcase and looks at me weird as fuk. he gave me a couple therapists numbers but i alrdy had 2 at the time now i have none.

still cutting but only when i beat off. what else.. not drinking that much anymore i drank one night and took cialis or whatever it is and klonopin and got sick as fuck so now i jsut take sleeping pills/nyquil

i ran out of food on tuesday so didnt eat that day or wednesday cuz i was in a fight with my mom

that's it ill post more when i think of it

I thought I banished you from this realm. Be gone, demon spawn. For you are exiled. - Gabriel 3:11

idk why I laugh at your posts, they are so fucking stupid

Ah the good ole single life. Im also enduring it, if i can do it...then so can you!

Anxiety bro, just what is it that makes you think so hard? Maybe learn to rememberto just breathe and say your heart. I have learned in my little experience, thinking alone is bad in relationships. Discuss your problem together. If still nothing, maybe you just havntfound the right girl.

I can never sleep, so i think ill have the right girl if im able to get a good sleep.



So maybe your perfect girl will calm your anxiety.

i've tried all that psychological manipulation and dancing. been to so much therapy--and really unnecessarily-- to figure out how my mind works. i see the connections i make and how my thoughts influence my mindstate--and all its lability.
the problem is i see what i'm doing wrong/thinking wrong but cannot do anything about it. it would be like if someone said 'believe in god, and you will be totally happy and content'. you know what you should do in this circumstance, but if you don't believe you don't believe. I know my thoughts/ideas are uncommon (the personality inventory revealed i probably also have schizotypal personality disorder, as well as the borderline. 75+ is considered significant, i scored 95 and 96 on those two) but if i actually believe them the rationale is meaningless. I.e., my girlfriend cancels a date, it must mean she doesn't really want to see me. But I immiediately know how irrational that notion is. i recognize my negativistic tendency construing the situation in a pessimistic vein. I recognize this. BUT the feeling I get and my belief of the situation remains the same. regardless of the elucidation cogitation and musing has garnered. So what do i do? that is the crux and part i am having difficulty with. The illustration's point extends to anxiety as well.

but yeah im done with girls. i may fux a few hot ones if i can but im not trying to have a relationship, likely, in the foreseeable future

anyway i am--clinically--- a lot of messed up things. but life isn't so bad now. i mostly don't care about anything which is kind of a free feeling, even if it is only a byproduct of major depression.
i mostly spend time reading---loving anything by seneca at the moment---surfing the internet, wathcing movies, and going to school. kind of lonely but ive gotten used to it

Solid eharmony profile description

HnF will tell you happiness comes from being with as many girls as possible. Real life experience will tell you that the fewer girls you are with, and the stronger relationships you form, the happier you will be.

god damn you have attachment issues man...

" still think about her every day " after three months... what the fuck? did you two even say you loved each other?
You need to stop looking for your happiness provided by others, and first be happy with yourself...
If I was you, to be honest I would stay away from girls UNTIL that time, or else this attachment will just happen all over again, consciously decided or not..

Emotional blockage combined with a lifestyle where you get/give affection temporarily to a number of unknown people will get most people fucked up.

Listen to the one of us few with a healty relationship nigas.