Quote (Firaga @ Jan 5 2015 06:24pm)
i am living alone. have been living alone for many years now. parents moved back to korea a while back after i got into university. there was one hard time where i was literally out of money in my bank (absolutely nothing. not even enough for lunch) and had to sell my maplestory account just to feed myself for a few more days. and i refused to ask my parents for monetary help. that was when i decided that even if my life sucks, i need to be able to feed myself. that same motivation made me decide on going to graduate school.
i was almost homeless lol. i will never forget that, and that fear will always remain within me. that's seriously when i changed my outlook on life. i hope that none of you have to go through that kind of hell, knowing that you might not even be able to live tomorrow. living life JUST FOR THE SAKE OF LIVING is hard enough. that is my motto today, and will be forever on.
actually it's really funny. maybe i deserve to be like this forever. i was a real brat to my parents back then. i was mean, i was cruel, and i was always never giving in. but now i realize exactly how much they have done for me, and exactly what they sacrificed, and tolerated just for me. that is why i will never EVER tell them that i am this lonely and sad. I always put up a facade, create an illusion to them that i am doing well, and happy to be alive even if im not. because i swore to myself that i will never EVER burden them ever. I haven't asked them for a single penny (even on my bday) for couple years now, and convince them every week that i am fully independent, because i am.
but i will never ever tell them that i am sad, and sometimes even think about just ending my life here, that i feel my life has no point. they will always remember me as someone they can be proud of. it does hurt me inside, but it's better that it hurts me, than it hurts my parents. they loved me so, and if i ever have a family, i hope that i can be as much loving as they were to me.
This is pretty admirable, and would be fine if everything was ok. However, from what I've seen in your posts you need help, better to get it from family than people online.