FG to the ones that provide constructive criticism and feedback

Hello everyone,

I would like some constructive criticism regarding my Busines Description.

"At My last name HouseKeeping we understand that it may be difficult to stay on top of those pesky chores around the Home, that's where we come in to play. We will ensure that your Home is properly taken care of while you are able to enjoy other things knowing that your home is in good hands.

Do you prefer a certain cleaner over another? We completely understand, which is why we are happy to accommodate. We offer Four different timetables to best fit your cleaning needs. "

That's what I've got so far.

Is this too long? Too short? Am I forgetting something important?

What would you as a consumer like to know?

Thanks for the feedback

FG to the ones that provide constructive criticism and feedback

This post was edited by Etf_swag on Aug 10 2016 02:56pm

do they clean naked?

For an extra fee

"At My last name HouseKeeping we understand that it may be difficult to stay on top of those pesky chores around the Home, that's where we come in to play. We will ensure that your Home is properly taken care of while you are able to enjoy other things knowing that your home is in good hands.

Do you prefer a certain cleaner over another? We completely understand, which is why we are happy to accommodate. We offer Four different timetables to best fit your cleaning needs. "

imo
i just dont think youve written it very well
like at all
be more concise and elegant
i cant be bothered trying to make it good for u
nn fg

The "Certain cleaner" thing makes it sound like you're talking about other companies and is very confusing.

Generally speaking, it's fairly terrible. soz.

"it may be difficult to stay on top of those pesky chores" this can insinuate that customers are incompetent, lazy, or irresponsible. - not a good impression to leave.

"pesky chores" sounds too narrow. It insinuates that that people are annoyed by chores (Maybe they are disabled and need help cleaning. Don't decide your customers needs for them). The word "chores" also limits the imagination; meaning you may miss-out on other work cleaning / work opportunities because they think you only do "chores"

"that's where we come in to play" this sounds unprofessional. It's not a game and you're not there to play - you're there to work.

"We will ensure that your Home is properly taken care of while you are able to enjoy other things knowing that your home is in good hands." Again, dont decide your customers needs for them. The phrase sounds too controlling and invasive. Let the customer be in charge of what needs to be taken care of. Also dont assume they need your services so they can have time to enjoy other things. You are just there to clean parts of their home - dont get personal unless they want to.

"Do you prefer a certain cleaner over another? We completely understand, which is why we are happy to accommodate. We offer Four different timetables to best fit your cleaning needs." Too wordy. Just get to the point about the services you offer.

Overall the whole thing sounds patronizing.

"What would you as a consumer like to know?" I want to know exactly who is coming to my property (their full name), their credentials, their experience level, their references, and their personal history. Trust is paramount, and you are all strangers. So I want to hard evidence to convince me that that I should trust you in my home.

This post was edited by NatureNames on Aug 10 2016 05:42pm

You forgot to mention that you use scrubby bubbles so they clean the bowl so you don't have to

send fg

'We clean shit up' - you

= $$$$

you stink