Military's 12 steps to recovery:
1. I am in the Military, I have a problem. This is the first step to
recovery...
2. Speech:
-Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530 or
1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).
-Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, work
out, get used to it.
-"F *ck" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of right
now, try "um".
-Grunting is not talking.
-It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"
3. Style:
-A high and tight looks really dumb
-So does a low reg, but not as bad.
-A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of
the world.
-you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.
4. Women:
-Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will
probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.
-Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are
6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
-Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make
"financial sense", it makes you a retard.
5. Personal accomplishments:
-In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your
job.
-Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people
you have killed or seen die.
-How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
-The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also
not a personal accomplishment.
6. Drinking:
-In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not
a "good for you"
-That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a
conversation starter.
-That time you went to the combat medic school and practiced giving vodka
iv's will also not be a good conversation starter
6. Bodily functions:
-Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be
viewed as "unprofessional".
-The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big
it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.
-You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is -VD
will also not be funny
7. The human body:
-Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem,
it's true.
8. Spending habits:
-One day, you will have to pay bills
-Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
-Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.
-One day you will need health insurance
9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):
-Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.
10. Real jobs:
-They really can fire you.
-On the flip side you really can quit.
-Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they
really can quit too.
-Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
-Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800
11. The Law:
-Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.
-Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't, in
fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've
been arrested -Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't
going to help you get the job -Fighting is not a normal thing and will get
you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you
won.
12. General knowledge:
-You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.
-Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
-They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then
you are, be polite.
-Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first
time.