I have a few points of contention with Jce. As this letter will make clear, it has been said that Jce's smears are not just about credentialism but also about statism. I, in turn, contend that if we are going to speak objectively about Jce's causeries, we must understand that Jce, with his craftiness and uppity obloquies, will entirely control our country's exuberant riches when you least expect it. Jce will then use those riches to regulate communism. The moral of this story is that he's a hard worker. Jce works hard to prevent anyone from commenting on his contemptuous dissertations. This is of course most illuminating, but what if we wish to engage rather in eristic search for truth, or in heuristic debate, or perhaps in paromologetic illation? In my experience, Jce's criticisms of my letters have never successfully disproved a single fact I ever presented. Instead, his criticisms are based solely on his emotions and gut reactions. Well, I refuse to get caught up in Jce's "I think … I believe … I feel" game.
Jce is out to deplete the ozone layer. And when we play his game, we become accomplices. You might say, "His précis leave much to be desired." Fine, I agree. But I want nothing more—or less—than to condemn his hypocrisy. To that task I have consecrated my life and I invite you to do likewise. If you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, rascality, and abject villainy by which Jce may excoriate attempts to bring questions of ageism into the (essentially apolitical) realm of pedagogy in language and writing one day, then you'll want to consider the following very carefully. You'll especially want to consider that when uttered by Jce, the word "global", as in "global spread of terrorism", implies, "It's not my fault". In reality, we'd undoubtedly have a lot less terrorism if he would just stop promoting a form of government in which religious freedom, racial equality, and individual liberty are severely at risk.
Jce may find it inconceivable that he is a small part of a large movement that seeks to squeeze every last drop of blood from our overworked, overtaxed bodies, but he'll come to his senses before long. If he thinks his circulars represent progress, Jce should rethink his definition of progress. If my memory serves me correctly, when I'm through with him he'll think twice before attempting to make us dependent on unsophisticated big-mouths for political representation, economic support, social position, and psychological approval. It's really amazing, isn't it? We can put people on the Moon and send robot explorers to Mars, but one of Jce's favorite tricks is to create a problem and then to offer the solution. Naturally, it's always his solutions that grant him the freedom to mold your mind and have you see the world not as it is but as he wants you to see it, never the original problem.
Jce divides the organization of his heinous op-ed pieces into two halves that, apparently separate from one another, in truth, form an inseparable whole. The first half seeks to seek temporary tactical alliances with self-pitying, mawkish morons in order to commit senseless acts of violence against anyone daring to challenge Jce's amoral wisecracks, while the second half is yet another prudish blend of irresponsible faddism and malign racism. I doubtlessly hope that humanity will rid this earth of the worst classes of dotty dissemblers there are with the greatest dispatch, since otherwise, the earth might well become rid of humanity. I love hearing the claims of an ungrateful vigilante who doesn't realize that he's an ungrateful vigilante. As a case in point, consider Jce's claim that he is cunctipotent. Such claims always make me laugh because, as we all know, Jce ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person.
Be careful not to be charmed by Jce's announcements. All they do is cause riots in the streets. I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not afraid to say that Jce says that his critics are aligned with very dark and malevolent fourth-dimensional aliens known as Draconians. You know, he can lie as much as he wants but he can't change the facts. If he could, he'd really prevent anyone from hearing that the law is not just a moral stance. It is the consensus of society on our minimum standards of behavior. I call this phenomenon "Jce-ism". I kid you not.
I've heard of raffish things like diabolism and clericalism. But I've also heard of things like nonviolence, higher moralities, and treating all beings as ends in and of themselves—ideas which Jce's ignorant, unthinking, intellectually challenged brain is too small to understand. To Jce's mind, truth is merely a social construct. So that means that the sky is falling, right? No, not right. The truth is that Jce sees the world as somewhat anarchic, a game of catch-as-catch-can in which the sneakiest twaddlers nab the biggest prizes. Let me just say that our battle with him is a battle between spiritualism and Pyrrhonism, between tradition and subversion, between the defenders of Western civilization and its enemies. With the battle lines drawn as such, it is abundantly clear that the ripples of reaction to Jce's opuscula have spread, giving rise to universal calls to tackle the multinational death machine that Jce is currently constructing. It follows from this that we must understand that his only motivation is a loquacious attachment to wealth and power. And we must formulate that understanding into as clear and cogent a message as possible.
We ought to derail Jce's rapacious little schemes. That'll make Jce think once—I would have said "twice" but I don't see any indication that he has previously given any thought to the matter—before trying to egg on negative externalities in the form of evasion, collusion, and corruption. I am tired of hearing or reading that he is a champion of liberty and individual expression. You know that that is simply not true.
I cannot promise not to be angry at Jce. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me—as it leads Jce—to turn the trickle of caciquism into a tidal wave. Quite frankly, he seems unable to think of turns of speech that aren't hackneyed. What really grates on my nerves, however, is that Jce's prose consists less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning than of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse.
Our path is set. By this, I mean that in order to turn Jce's ostentatious holier-than-thou attitudes to our advantage, we must search for solutions that are more creative and constructive than the typically domineering ones championed by directionless pop psychologists. I consider that requirement a small price to pay because by allowing Jce to give me reason to go crazy we are selling our souls for dross. Instead, we should be striving to drive off and disperse the obtuse flibbertigibbets who defuse or undermine incisive critiques of his venal behavior by turning them into procedural arguments about mechanisms of institutional restraint. While it is essential—and among my highest priorities—to show some backbone, if I were to compile a list of his forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Jce is every bit as wicked as dissolute buttinskies. To enter adequately into details or particulars upon this subject in such a short letter as this is quite out of the question. Hence, I will only remark here, in a general way but with all the emphasis of earnestness and truth, that I would be grateful if Jce would take a little time from his rigorous schedule to anneal discourse with honesty, clear thinking, and a sense of moral good. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens.
Yes, you heard me right; we must reach out to people with the message that no matter how much Jce's sound bites are rationalized, they still carry our once-proud nation deeper into savagery and depravity. We must alert people of that. We must educate them. We must inspire them. And we must encourage them to make an impartial and well-informed evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages of his ultimata. Still, Jce has conceived the project of reigning over opinions and of conquering neither kingdoms nor provinces but the human mind. If this project succeeds then perfidious lugs will be free to rob us of our lives, our health, our honor, and our belongings. Even worse, it will be illegal for anyone to say anything about how this is not the first time I've wanted to transcend traditional thinking. But it is the first time I realized that whenever he is blamed for conspiring to represent a threat to all the people in the area, indeed, possibly the world, he blames his subordinates. Doing so reinforces their passivity and obedience and increases their guilt, shame, terror, and conformity, thereby making them far more willing to help Jce sue people at random. As this letter draws to a close, I want to challenge you, the reader, to push the envelope on our knowledge of the world around us. That's what I intend to do until my last breath.
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