Just wrote a long study about my own alcohol stop in norwegian. Maybe someone will find some help with it. Using google translate to translate it, so excuse the grammar fails ^^



Now I have stayed away from alcohol (and other drugs of course, never used anything else, not drugs either) ever since that post, so it will soon be 5 months since February, or 7 months since New Year's Eve. It's as long as I've stayed away from alcohol for as long as I can remember, maybe 15 years.

My biggest problem is that I drink way too much when I first drink. I want to have fun and have complete peace for one night. Then I drink too much for too long and then it goes wrong. I realize this does not apply to everyone, so I do not want to stigmatize anyone here ... no one should feel hit if that is not the case, or at all. Everyone knows themselves best

There are many factors that come into play. But it is hard work every single day, and I notice that I am "on the border" very often. The impulses are there. Every time I lose discipline, I have to use a lot of energy to bring up positive associations, and warning situations (things that have gone wrong in drunkenness etc), so that I lose the desire to drink. Thought to write point by point which factors I think are most important:

1) Stable life situation. Has now for 2.5 years had ownership of my own apartment, which has made me feel calm about the living situation. Have rented a home since the beginning of adulthood, which has created a lot of moving, and frustration and problems around the living situation. I believe that all people should be allowed to buy their own home very early in life, as this does something fundamental with self-esteem. Renting is the devil. You feel that you are putting a part of your life on hold. In addition, I have good neighbors and there are stable routines where I live, which means extremely much to me.

2) Less contact with people that gives me negative impulses and thus breaks down my self-esteem. Will not go into detail about this, but everyone knows how much trouble close relationships can create. It is healthy to create some air and distance if there are too many problems. But it has been an extremely difficult choice.

3) Repeated attempts to stop alcohol have built an experience base and help with self-confidence. This is probably the third time in a few years now that I have managed to walk for so long. I know I lie to myself sometimes, and -think- I can control my alcohol use, when I really can not. I have learned that no matter how strong you think you are at the moment you feel like alcohol, this can change when you have drunk enough (about 12 pints of beer, 1 can of wine or 1 bottle of liquor). The human mood changes all the time, and no human being can have such good discipline, over a long period of time, that they can control alcohol use in that way. So you can be in the best mood in the world at the start of the evening, but then negative associations can come later, and then everything is ruined. At the same time, it has always been a pattern that I have managed to drink for many months without any particular problems, but then it has started to get worse. This is now something I have realized that can not continue. Therefore, I simply have to stay away - possibly for the rest of my life.

4) Everything bodily works better. The psyche and physique are better. Has been good at training for almost a year, then water training and walks. Had I been drinking for the last six months, I would undoubtedly have been in much worse shape. This can be the start of a new life - with better health for the rest of your life. It is a good motivation to think that one should not struggle with alcohol problems into old age. When you drink every weekend, it can quickly become like this (it has at least been like that for me) that you skip a training day, and eat more fatty foods, to compensate for drunkenness. Bringing in extra days of exercise helps the physique and psyche. You get more profit.

5) Drink non-alcoholic beer and cider, which helps with impulse control. You get the first initial taste, and after I take one like that, I notice afterwards that it was good to let go of the thought of 8-10 hours of drinking, extreme drunkenness and depression the next day, in addition to potential injuries and trips to the emergency room. Feels like I avoided a bullet, in a way. In addition, it tastes as good as what contains alcohol, so you do not miss anything that way either.

6) Has had a very good GP for 13 years who has been extremely listening and supportive. Unfortunately, s/he has left now, which is very sad, but hopes new good cooperation continues with the new one.

7) Losing the soul-cleansing experience it is for me to drink is one of the most difficult. Listening to loud music with earphones and enjoying a sunset by a view in beautiful nature on a summer weekend is really something that cleanses my soul. But now I think I've found a way to go about this. Always liked hard rock and heavy metal music. This is and has been a trigger in terms of alcohol drinking. Also plays electric guitar, something I have had as a strong passion all these years. But I have never had a rehearsal room, so I have never been able to play as I wanted. It must be soundproof, because there will be a lot of sound. Now I think I have found such a room after searching for many years. In a month or two it may be clear. This will be something I can use and find as a soul-cleansing activity instead of drinking. It feels like an outlet I've needed all my life, which has never quite been there.

8) Have a friend that I have had for almost 20 years. Knowing that I can be a more stable friend is something that is positive. Not to worry about others drinking and possible problems, and sending messages in the middle of the night. It has several positive ripple effects. This friend has most likely saved my life by being a psychological support, so being able to pay back (not something I know I have to, but because I want to) by being a more stable friend with healthier attitudes is nice to think about.

9) Realizing that you have a lifestyle that is just not healthy in terms of alcohol. You are where you are. Some people have a lifestyle that makes drinking alcohol easier. You are more social, you are more "on the go", more things happen, you have support, you may have success in working life, you get more positive attention. Then you tolerate alcohol better. I'm sure everyone has their problems, but realizing such things at least helps one to be honest with oneself, and not fool oneself into believing that one can drink to a different lifestyle. One replaces one defect with another, which may be worse.

10) In recent years I have fallen and injured myself 4 times while I have been affected. I want to see it as pure luck that I was not injured for life. This is something I think about every time I feel like drinking. This can and most likely will be repeated if I continue. So you can just choose between living a stable life and maybe get more positive events in life, or to gamble and maybe lose your life in a stupid accident while you were affected. And all the signals it sends to others. Or maybe even worse: End up with brain damage and have to depend on help .. trapped in their own body. To never get to experience the good things you can like sober.

11) Be a burden on society. Have also ended up in the emergency room due to this ... it puts pressure on the health service, unnecessary use of resources that others might have had more use for. Now the use of alcohol in my case is something I consider 80% created for external reasons, ie something I was born into. So I do not put all the blame on myself, to avoid giving myself an unfair much bad conscience. But I have some guilt myself, and therefore I can do something about it. Becoming aware that you are part of a society means that you can get support from that society and give back in the form of living more stably, if you have the resources to do so. And that is a great strength to do as a human being!

Still difficult to stay at 0%. There are times and situations where i am very weak. The only thing that saves me is that i go through the emotional process, apply self-discipline, and force myself to think about the worst situations i have been in because of the drinking. Then it slowly gets better. Drinking an alcohol free beverage actually still helps, getting that first initial feeling of refreshment, and then i think "hey, this wasn't so bad .. and i'm really glad i don't have to deal with the hangover tomorrow...".. So that actually does help. The problem now is that i don't feel much like drinking alcohol free beverage, so i actually have to force my self to drink it somewhat like a medicine ... Kind of weird. But it does have a psychological pressure-lowering effect.

There has been two festivals in town too .. along with the Rammstein concert in Oslo, which all i have canceled and not been to purely because i don't drink. I want to stay away from everything i earlier associated with drinking.. to prove to myself that i have the discipline. My friend that i've been to these things together with does commend me on the effort, but i am sad to not give her these social experiences. I want her to do that by herself .. but i can understand she wants company. Some very tough choices and processes. But, i am not stopping, and very much looking forward to renting that electric guitar practice locale... Been playing for two decades without a proper practicing place, so i really hope that is the start of something that i can apply myself to.. and will be a replacement of drinking. It does present a new problem .. i've always thought that my drinking problems arise because i've not had any company.. there are no rock clubs in the town where i live, no environment to be a part of .. so i keep thinking that if or when that happens, drinking may be something i could tolerate better. But i am still thinking to stay sober... the music and the rock'n roll will be my salvation... what others choose to do though is not my choice...

I am now at a point where i am contemplating drinking again. The reason for this is because of a spiritual development regarding a very close friend. I have looked wrong upon our relationship for a very long time, and i have taken too much of *** problems on my shoulders. There are some dysfunctionalities in our relationship that i have not taken into account properly. That is something i am now in the process of healing. I will still have our relationship as it is (only friendship), but i will start to set limits.

After i came to terms with this realization about 2 weeks ago, my life has changed. I have gotten my apartment in order, no more mess, i have lost 3 kg in weight and become much more generally active. It's like a poison dart in my side that has finally been pulled out.

And also, starting up the guitar practice is very imminent. I am thinking that as long as i have an event to go to, then drinking becomes more relevant. Just drinking alone, in nature and such, is not really healthy. Things can quickly go from bad to worse.

Either way, it is not decided. This is just contemplation. It is still a very difficult choice to make. Drinking alcohol free beverages still works as a dampening effect, so i am working hard to lean on that and keep working with my situation.

One last word is that, i do keep in mind that i have been through similar "realizations" before, and this has led to celebrational drinking - believing that i have changed. Then things have gotten out of hand. So i am still reinforcing my belief based on earlier experiences as written in point #3. Reading through the other points also helps. I am strongly contemplating printing them out, laminating them and hanging them up on my wall.

Had a night about 6 weeks ago. Managed to stick to beer only. Probably about 10-15 x 0.5 liter. Got very drunk, and very hungover and depressed the day after. It was fun .. really quite the same old story. It is fun there and then .. but the price is very high. It takes 4-5 days before i am back to 100% again.

Did not do anything to harm myself, which is positive. But i did do something quite stupid.. i went back to my home after being out and meeting up with my friend .. which i abandoned shortly after meeting up and entering a pub. Which was stupid and rude, and i am ashamed of that. I did make a deal to crash on their couch before going. When i went home, i puked ^^ which i don't do often.. which means i probably must have drunk more than usual. When i left, i had opened the door to my balcony, and i left my keys at home .. while leaving the door unlocked. Which was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Luckily i live in a place which is quite safe .. but still very stupid regardless.

Did not remember that the next day when i woke up, so i found that out when i arrived here. Just pure luck that nothing was stolen or anything else.

So it is clear that i should not be drinking and that i am not ready for it. Paradox of life. But i am where i am. I have managed to keep away from february to september. That is 7 months. It is as long as i've been away in my entire adult life .. i think. It is extremely difficult to keep away. I guess that proves that the environments and the conditions we are born into really does shape us.. and self-discipline only goes so far as to how well we are able to change our lives according to our goals and ambitions. Which i haven't managed to do very well yet, because i have had so many critical personalities in my family, and my working life has been difficult too.

Accepting that an addiction has become ingrained with oneself may sometimes be the only way to deal with it. And then try to deal with the fallout as well as possible. And also keep trying to change one's lifestyle so that the drinking does not become the main motivation, but creative outlet (music, instruments etc) and social life. Then the risk lowers that one does self-harming and stupid things.

Lastly .. this summer has cost so much sacrifice as well. So many nice evenings i haven't been able to enjoy fully. But reflecting on this, i realize that being addicted to substances in order to enjoy summer evenings is kind of what one calls a weakness. It proves that one has lost grip on something important. So i sometimes reflect on that when outside and the weather is nice. It is quite pathetic to be so addicted to a substance, so that one cannot even enjoy a nice day without craving something more.


But one more positive thing is that at least i ended up having fun, playing guitar, and went outside. Not just sitting inside drinking, which usually leads to more depression over time. The goal now is to at least have a plan and do something creative and social connected to the drinking.

Decided to post a copy of an answer to someone writing to me on pm about this.


The truth is, something happened to me last autumn .. i went through some stuff. Now i am drinking every now and then. But it's more like, i can drink 3-7 beers, and then stop. I get what i need from that. It seems i have somehow conquered something inside and it has helped me discipline myself.

It is connected with several things, many that still are mentioned in the thread .. but mainly:

1) I took that long break from drinking last year .. 8-9 months. That really helped reset my emotions and dive deep to bring up some real discipline.

2) My life situation has stabilized, i live in an apartment with good quality, i'm not constantly stressed living in shit conditions. That goes for the economy too, i'm not at all rich, but it's stable.

3) Family situation has stabilized a little bit. This has been the main stresser in terms of alcohol abuse. We are so different, and never been able to function. Now, at least, it seems most of us has settled and function on a more stable level. We can be in the same room without it being difficult, and it seems they are at least showing me a little bit of respect. And that works to calm me inside since i care a lot about them, and i've seen how frustrating they have it. That is due to our very different personalities. It also gives me confidence that i have lasted through all that difficult stuff.

I think that covers most of it for now. As it is, i do feel 100% confident that i will not break or slip. I also stick to beer 100%. It is easier to control. When i drink whisky and make drinks, it is too easy to make them strong and overdrink. You don't get the effect until 1-2 hours, and then it's too late. It becomes easy to make bad decisions and drink more. Just the decision to -stop- when you've had enough. This culminated into a philosophical statement: Don't drink more than necessary.


I will update again when the time is right, whether that is one year from now or however long. I recommend others to post these kind of threads as well.

This post was edited by Taurean on Jan 23 2023 01:19am