There is another reason why I stopped posting on jsp with the exception of blogs. I believed that I could not competently discuss things anymore. I was also getting irritated. My mind was slipping. Here is my wacky story of my descent into madness.
Since then, things got worse for me. I accidentally breathed in roach poison which contained boric acid. I went to the ER and they did all these tests. The good news is that they found nothing. But, that was not the end. A few months later, I was getting sick from the house’s vents. Somehow the house’s heating system was causing me nausea. I believed that I was intoxicated. So I turned off the heating system. Then a few months later,, I lose my appetite completely and I have nausea. I also got extreme weight loss. I went from 240 to 215 in a few weeks. I saw my primary doctor and a gastroenterologist. The gastro guy tells me that I have some kind of virus and that my appetite should return. He was right about my appetite returning. But as soon as things got better, then they get worse. I went to my parents’ place to cook some salmon, and found this rosemary jar. I open it and smell it, then I get that nasty nausea again. The bottle’s expiration date was 2009. And I went to the ER again, and they found nothing again. They treated me with saline solution. After a couple of weeks, I start recovering very well. Then I get new symptoms. When I get on the bus, I start getting shortness of breath and then chest pain. My doctor advises me to go to the ER. I take his advice. And again, the doctors find nothing. Then, I start thinking that maybe my mind is tricking me that I have these symptoms like Jimmy’s brother Charles. In this show, Better Call Saul, Jimmy McGill’s brother has a mental illness that tricks him into thinking that he has sensitivity to electricity. He believes things like cell phones and light bulbs cause him discomfort. However, for me, it’s chemicals in the air. Whenever, I breathe in chemicals that my lungs do not agree with, a nasty allergic reaction occurs, then I have nausea or shortness of breath and chest pain. I found that it is chemicals from filters. The ventilation system from the bus, the white and blue masks, and even ventillator masks with the filters on the side cause my symptom of shortness of breath. It’s one of the worst feelings that I ever felt. It feels like I’m going to die. I believe that I have developed anaphylaxis. I have then also developed extreme anxiety and paranoia. I believe that my hands are going to infect things, so I avoid skin contact with my hands. I did see a psychiatrist. I told him my story and asked him that if I have mental illness? He said that it was hard to tell. But obviously, he be downplaying the situation. Or maybe he is being honest. Mental illness is something that is developed over time. It doesn’t make sense for it to be acute. However, there may be exceptions. He prescribed antidepressant. I refused the medications. I know that they will make my condition worse.
Do I believe that I have mental illness?
Oh yeah, there is no doubt in my mind about that. I was developing this bullshit before these events happened to me. It’s just that these events exponentially sped up the process. I’m just glad that I am competent enough to make this post. I obviously did not include every detail. But this should suffice. I’m not expecting sympathy, nor do I want it. I do these blogs to amuse you, and also it’s therapy for me.
I wonder if I’ll make it to the release date of D2 Resurrected. Because I got this feeling that I am going to die. It’s just my crazy intuition. No, I don’t have suicidal thoughts. But if I’m alive and D2R is released, then I’m probably going to play and post on the trade forums. I know that I’ll break my word. But I know most here don’t care about those bullshit values. And I don’t do things for anyone’s approval. Whether they remake or remaster it, the game’s trading still sucks without jsp. IMO, a game like this without a good trade system is slow and unfulfilling.