I've seen every Houston Texans game ever played. It all started with their first preseason game which was the Hall of Fame game against the New York Giants back in 2002. It's difficult to invest a lot of my time and energy into a sports franchise that constantly lets me down, and somehow they never learn from their past mistakes. I'm the type of person that doesn't like to live with any regrets, but if I had to do it all over again maybe I'd have remained a Dallas Cowboys fan. Not that they've played any better since 2002, but I was a hardcore Dallas Cowboys fan from 1997 to 2001 after the Oilers had left Houston. They were the Tennessee Oilers for one year before becoming the Tennessee Titans.

Maybe I'm part of the problem because I spend the little money I do have on some Houston Texans merchandise. I just purchased a new Houston Texans cap on Amazon for $25 dollars. It was delivered to my front door earlier this morning. If fans keep spending their hard earned money on the team then ownership doesn't really care about winning games as much as they care about their financial growth and wealth. And I honestly don't have that much money to throw around like that anymore. I'm desperately waiting for that $1,400 stimulus check. If I don't receive it soon I'm going to start cutting back on some essentials. I've already pawned most of my things that had any value just to make sure I've got a little extra for emergency use only.

Here we are in 2021 and the Texans continue to be poorly managed. I can't even explain what the hell is going on anymore. I don't even try to hide the fact that this organization has become the laughing stock of the entire NFL for two decades now. If this were a marriage I'd be asking for a divorce after nineteen years! Which is why I've been crying all day long over the news that J.J. Watt's tenure with the Texans is finally over after he requested that he be released. Even though I knew this was coming it's difficult to put into words how I'm feeling right now. Watt was more than just a Hall of Fame talent that dominated on the field. He gave everybody his entire heart and passion, and he carried the city of Houston on his back through all the good times and especially the difficult times. During Hurricane Harvey he raised over $40 million dollars just to help those in need.

I can't even muster the energy to discuss the Deshaun Watson situation. In fact, I don't even want to discuss the Houston Texans right now but I felt like I needed to get all of this off my chest. And Twitter is just too small of a platform to write all of these words that I'm struggling to type on a broken keyboard without a couple more tears streaming down my eyes. Deshaun wants to be traded and I don't blame him one bit. Although I do expect Cal McNair to continue to be the idiot that he is, as shown by his desire to keep Jack Easterby around, and I'm fully expecting the Texans not to trade Deshaun Watson because they never do anything right. It will just turn into more drama that quite frankly I'm not ready for.

Okay, I'm sorry for all that rambling. I'm not in a great mood right now and my mind is racing a million miles per hour. My emotions are very fragile and I can't really express everything all at once. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I still want to play Heroes of the Storm and Diablo II when I can. I also want to continue my solo slashing on Ladder Slasher. My immediate goal is to reach 60,000 kills with 0 deaths. And eventually I want to reach 100,000 kills with 0 deaths. It's something that I started during the pandemic in 2020 and Ladder Slasher definitely kept me feeling sane for the longest time.

I don't know how much I want to post anymore. Blogging is fun but even that can overwhelm me because when I blog I actually pour my entire heart into every word. I love everybody on D2jsp but I'm getting older and I don't have much energy left to give anymore. I tried my best to make people smile and feel good. I messed up quite a few times along the way, and I'm deeply and truly sorry if I let anybody down. My intentions were always good but I just couldn't figure out how to make myself happy. Being a perfectionist with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) was always blocking me from finding my true happiness. I just want to say thank you and always believe in yourself. Have fun doing what you enjoy and always be proud of yourself. Life is too short not to experience all the greatness that you still have hidden inside of you. I pray that all of you can find your true greatness and happiness because I still haven't found mine yet.

TL;DR version: I have no desire to succeed anymore. I'm just going to give it my best effort and fail again, and again, and again. Just like the Houston Texans.