Well here goes my rant/vent... Only reason im asking is cause its affected me everyday since i was 8 years old (21 now )
Sorry if im all over the place (bad day)
Little backround of him
My dad was born with 50% of his body function ; Uses catheter to pee inserted into belly button has 1 kidney plate in his neck pins in feet ect so many things to list i cant think of at this moment in my current state of mind; has to drink this syrup to help with his kidney(30% Functioning) Not in good shape, but is at the same time(Goes to gym every morning due to being in worst state before this no matter how much pain he was or in the night before doesnt drink soda or eat sweets weighs 140) Hurts so much that simple activities such as cooking getting up to go to bathroom causes even more aches was issued his mmj card then goes to doctors to get kidneys checked and they drug test and proceed to tell him to the extent of (You must choose a natural medicine(Cannabis) or the syrup that helps your kidney walls and antiobiotics they script him oxys and he only takes them if the pain is to the point of him crying pleading for the pain to go away he prefers to just smoke to ease the tension but doesnt always do the trick) So basically told him you can choose to smoke and go without all medicine or just take these big pharma drugs and become a zombie..
Atleast 5 times a week i find him on the ground at home unable to get up ; weak and hurt like a animal.. And being here alone with him i pick him up and carry him to his chair or his bed (sometimes at night i close the door and pray i get to see my buddy in the morning ) sometimes just non responsive to the point where ive actually had to slap him a few times to get him with me(Not hard ofc) ive always dealt with my own problems in my head and never have once talked to him or my girlfriend about how i feel (regarding current issues in life and his health)
I deal with my own 'Issues" in my head ever since a child ; I watched my uncle hang from a tree 20 feet up at age 17 by a dog leash and always felt like that was my fault/ couldve been prevented and shouldve been me
Lately its been drilling me more then ever to points i cant describe on here.. Im honestly scared not just of him passing away but of how my mind will react..(Hes been my best friend and fought for my custody when mom tried to take me to a different state) Any info or any insight would be appreciated if you read this and feel like you wasted your time i apologize and hope you have a better day
This post was edited by Edwards on Mar 2 2019 02:00pm