Recently, I almost got into a fight with a customer at work. And this guy happened to be black. I don't hate black people. But this motherfucker was provoking me like crazy. He looked like he is from the carribean. Possibly, jamaican. I have met blacks that have provoked me in my past. In my childhood, my ignorance called them the n word. No violence occurred and I got lucky. Since then I've learned to control my anger. However, this guy shoves me with his elbow and forearm right at the abdomen. It was not painful. He just wanted me out of his way. Which I was going to do anyway. The guy couldn't wait one more second! I told him that I didn't mean any disrespect. I was just doing my job. He replies, "do you have a problem". I respond, "not really". Then he tells me to go back to your fucking post. But I was not intimidated by him. I laughed at his attempt to control me as he turned away. He heard my laugh and hesitated, then finally went away. This guy was the worst. My choice was either fight him there and lose my job or do nothing and swallow my pride. I chose the latter. The funny thing about the altercation is what happened after. My abdomen is burning as I write this. I don't understand why that is. He didn't push me that hard.
I truly feel that I should have fought him and kinda regret it. But that is just my ego. Anyplace other than work, I'd whup him good. But then again, it may be my delusional thinking. I believe I suffered an aneurysm a week before. My veins in my head swell up sometimes. And I'm obese with a heart condition. I have some martial arts ability. But that may not be enough to win against a young 18-24 physically fit black male. But I'd fight him anyway because homey don't play that shit. That is one of the worst feeling in the world. To swallow one's pride. In my rational mind, I'm thinking why should I lose my job for a piece of shit. I believe that I have grown, and I have swallowed my pride before. But I'm getting very tired of it. I think that the next guy that provokes me whether it be at work or not will recieve my wrath. This proves that my mind still needs more work. I should not allow losers like this affect me. But dammit! For me, It's extremely fucking hard. The guy isn't my enemy but I feel that he has made one. And yes I avoided a nigga moment. Ty boondocks. Damn...blacks have it tough with those kind of people. I finally feel their pain first hand.
So am I Beta male? Subjective is subjective. But I feel that I kinda am. But this is partially my fault. If I had a better job, then I probably would never meet this degenerate. And if I did, it wouldn't be where I am compromised.
This post was edited by Malignanttumor666 on Mar 1 2018 04:44am