I've been gone for the past 2 weeks almost. And I feel happy. I went on a road trip with a friend that I should have never lost. This 1 week that I spent with her I felt happier than all the time I spent with other people in the past 3 years. It's crazy after years of not seeing someone you'd expect things to be different for us to be different. But my god I'm so happy we're both still the same old stupid and adventurous people we were before. We had no idea what the fuck we were gonna do for a week. So we hit the road. We road tripped to my cousins empty apartment in Va beach. We stayed there for 2 days just bar hopping mostly it was fun. Then we decided to go to myrtle beach since we still had 4 more days. We spent 2 days at myrtle beach. Not so much bar hopping tho. We spent most of our time on the balcony. Watching the beach, drinking and talking about how much of a disaster we were. Lol. Such a beautiful disaster. She is still such a beautiful mess. I missed her. She left tonight. It hurts just like it did the first time. But hey. It's what we do. It's what we've always done. Were just too much of a beautiful disaster to ever be together. Were too much of a mess for other people to handle. I guess it's easier to understand now that I'm older. Our destiny wasn't with each other. It never was. Our destiny was to meet each other. Our destiny was to see ourselves in each other and to fall in love with that person that we saw. Because we fell in love with the best parts and the worst parts of ourselves.

Back in high school I started writing a short story. It was 12 pages long. I got a B because it was never finished. Over the years I've written a few pages every now and then. I showed it to her. She was in it. She told me to keep writing. To finish it. And I think I will. She showed me old poems that she wrote about me. Some from a very long time ago. Some from not long ago at all. She'll always be my best friend.

This post isn't meant to be responded to. I just wanted to write.

" if you're looking to be somebody's just friends, a little laughin, a little love, and never calling again that's just fine, if you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak be mine."
http://youtu.be/20jt6jKMrmM

One day. One day we'll both find what we're looking for. What we deserve. One day we'll be as happy as we made other people. I know we'll meet again. Who knows how many years from now this time. But I know. When the time is right we'll meet again. Stay Free

God damn I can't believe it's been 2 months already. I still remember when your brother told me. That big dinner we had in honor of you. I'll always look out for your family. We'll always remember. RIP Moises.

For the past 2 nights I've been having dreams about this girl. But I don't know who she is....the first dream I remember partying with her and talking with her. But then idk what happened it's like I blacked out from drinking. She woke me up and I had no idea who she was. She told me that she didn't open up to people anymore. And that I made her trust me. And that I listened and understood her. But I couldn't remember any of it. I felt so bad in the dream.



Day 2. I dream about her again. This time she's with her family. I know the family. I know the mother father and brother. But I don't know her. I don't know who she is. We all go to the movies. Then it's just me and her and she begins to trust me again and tells me the things she told me in the dream before when I was drunk. About her depression, her anxiety, all the things she's been through, so many sad things happened to her. I feel like I know this girl. But I don't know who she is.....

Maybe tonight I'll find out.

I like how after we spent that week together we haven't talked. We haven't called. We haven't texted. But that's how we've always been. We never call or text until things get bad. But every time things start getting bad we never hesitate. After spending that week together I don't really miss her as much as the I did for the past 3 years. I guess I got my closure. I know we weren't meant to be. But we'll find each other again someday. I know it.

I started writing again. I'm at 24 pages right now. And the way the story's going it looks like it'll be a long while till it ends. If it even has an ending.

I also drove around for about an hour tonight. It felt good. Relaxing. I've always loved the feeling of being alone. And the night just makes it so much better. There's something about being alone at the peak of darkness that makes me feel so good.

I've been thinking about a relationship with my best friend. We've been talking a lot lately. She's about to graduate next months then she's back fork of. And she's working on leaving behind her ex. I've noticed we've started flirting around more and more recently. We text every night before bed and when we wake up. I've always found her attractive inside and out but never thought of taking it anywhere with her. Maybe now that's she's back for a long while I'll see how things go with us. Maybe I'll ask her out.

But I don't know. I don't want to mess up how close we already are. Sometimes I tell myself that I want to love someone again. That I want to be in love again. But at the end of it all i always tell myself that I love being alone. And it's true. I love the sense of loneliness. I love being alone in the dark. Alone walking around at night. Alone without a care for anyone else. Th sense of loneliness has become something that I like so much that I don't know if I ever want to be with anyone again.


"Everyone wants to be the sun to brighten up everyone's day. I want to be the moon to brighten the darkest hours."

i was drunk and called her tonight.

its weird how i dont want anything to do with her and her with me.

but when we get in contact we cant stop reminiscing aobut how we used to be

maybe for us that feeling will never change. we will never stop believing that is wont get better than use. we will never get past over how perfect we were. but even if we were perfect, we just weren't meant to be.

we were on the phone for over an hour. catching up. talking about old times. seeing whats new. but everyhing just feels so dull.

I just had one hell of a fucking weekend lol.

like i did the whole going out with friends, gettin fucked up, having hella fun thing.

but what made it amazing was that i got to see an old friend again. Me and her worked as interns at the World Bank together when we were 16. I haven't seen her since we left the program.


ran into her and holy shit we had an amazing time catching up and stuff.

got her number. gonna see her tmrw.