Before you start reading, some of this is not my words, but words that closely relate to how I feel, what I am feeling, and what I need to get off my chest
I've been blind to it until now, but I know this medication is ruining my life, and the worst part is yet to come, the withdraw from getting off of it when my
doctor weens me off of it more, but it's a slow proccess. ---Oh and you can skip to the Too Long Didn't Read section at the bottom if you want.----
and for anyone reading on this website you don't know me so it's ok if you don't want to read haha.
First of all, I have gained 70+ pounds since first taking this medication, I'm not worried about it because I believe I can lose it when I am transfered to a new
medication or stop taking Risperdone all together. Now I'm not saying it's all the medications fault, but I've always been below 160 pounds my whole life, and now am 220+.

The reason I am using what other people have wrote is because it's hard for me to put into words how I feel, because I don't really have many emotions anymore,
and I get over things very easily like I just don't care and my thoughts escape me easily unless I'm typing or writing.
Someone elses writing:
I’m a lot less creative than I was because I’m unable to expand on my ideas or even come up with new ones. My inner voice is a lot louder but it’s sluggish.
I am always thinking extremely slowly and without any meaning behind what I think which makes me fearful that I’ve lost IQ points through the usage of this medication
Sometimes I find myself zoned out for half a minute at a time before coming back without having had any inner thoughts. Sometimes I find myself thinking the same things
over and over again. I’ve also noticed that my thoughts are completely dampened by the medication – it does not allow me to think clearly or expand on my thoughts.
*It’s nearly impossible to focus on two things at once*
Me:
I've been scared to talk about what I'm feeling because I feel the people around me will just think that I'm just lazy, and that I'm not trying hard enough
Which is true to an extent. But I can't seem to find a reason to get out of bed and go to school in the morning due to just not caring what happens to myself anymore.
I'm not suicidal, but from reading this I'd probably come off as that, seeing as how I'm useless to society and don't do anything to help myself.

I'm not trying to say this as a joke, but I've changed, a lot. It's like there's two people inside of me, one person is the medicated version of me.
and the *normal* version is surpressed and wants to be let free again, but it's not that easy. Risperdone is some sick shit, every day I question if I'm even seeing what
I look at is real. I don't remember anything I don't keep tabs on, unless I really want to remember. I sit lifeless as I just wait and come with more questions.
I don't know if I'll ever be off medications again in my life, but I want to try, at least something not like seroquel haldol or risperdone, (the three medications I've
Been on all in a span of a few months.) Now it's been about a year since I've been taking Risperdone and the longer I take it I feel like some of the effects will last forever
Anxiety, depression, not being able to talk to people, Loss in creativity, loss in motivation, loss of reality, loss of true sight, loss of the future,
loss of hope. I could go on and on but you get the picture.

This drug has numbed my personality, I used to be smart and outgoing, now I just feel like an idiot and a failure. I used to be funny and could actually say
original things, and now most of my thoughts are just other people's thoughts that I've molded to be my own. It's hard to explain how I feel because I really just don't...
Oh and I also take depakote but I have no idea what that does other than a mood stabilizer. I am diagnosed Bipolar, and before that it was schizoaffective due to drugs.
probably. In the hospital I would have dreams of staring at the walls, twisted in my own thought processes that I couldn't seem to escape. They told me I did a lot of
crazy shit, but I don't remember barely any of it.

Now here's the scary part, all the horror stories I've heard about coming off of this drug, basically coming off the drug can just cause a whole entire relapse.
like the fuck is the point of it if when you get off of it you're so fucking dependant on it that when you come off of it you will just go insane again. This drug blocks
seretonin and dopeamine receptors so it's hard to experience happiness, now I'm not a doctor so I'm not gonna get into it.
it makes my body feel weak, I work out, but my muscles just feel weak after working out not like sore or anything.

So I've gone off a drug cold turkey, and that was haldol, and I probably got every side affect from coming off cold turkey that you could have, I relapsed, but at
first I felt great, so I know the dangers all ready of quitting this drug and it all sounds exactly the same as haldol. let me just list some of the stuff I experienced, and
what I am most scared of, but I have changed and could handle them a lot better now. Oh yeah and some of these sound a lot like the stuff I was listing earlier, Weird huh?

:Confusion, Concentration problems, Bipolar Relapse, Delusions, Depersonalization, Depression, Fatigue, Hallucinations, Insomnia, Memory Problems, Mood Swings,
Sleep Changes, Suicidal Thoughts, and the big one, Psychosis.

I'm no stranger to about all of those things, and actually I all ready experience some of these while on the medication so fuck it why not just cold turkey right?!
Well It's not that easy. I wanted to make this to speak on the behalf of psycotropic drugs and say the shit is harsh, be careful, I'm not gonna try to sound like I know
something that I don't, but just be happy. and take care before anyone you know gets put on something like I listed

******* So basically TL;DR. This medication controls me, mediates me. Makes me feel like shit, worthless, and other grandios things (sarcasm) like moving a lot, sleeping a lot
eating a lot, being weak all around, Loss of IQ points it seems, depressed, but I don't feel anything anymore so it's no big deal, makes me lazier than I am, paranoid,
Loss of reality, loss of true sight, I don't care about anything, I'm fat, Anxious, depressed, not being able to talk to people, Loss in creativity and the worst part of
it is, is that I need this medication as far as I know, it basically ruins my life, but I need it, nothing seems right anymore and I can't take it or hold it in any longer.
I feel helpless, stuck in some world out of my control, I don't care if you care or not honestly, but now I am a different person, the old me is gone and if you left with him
I don't blame you. I always say things I don't mean, and thinking is hard. *********