'Good golly, how jolly! How funny,' said God -
'How strangishly strange and how oddishly odd!
You're fighting and biting and smiting again -
It's time I demanded commandments of ten!
'Though gods are a blast and a riot of joy -
A party of pleasure to treasure, my boy -
I'm certainly certain, I'm sure you'll agree,
There's no one who's wholly more holy than me!
'Devotion's the notion of honour and truth -
Don't bridle it worshipping idols in youth!
If 'Jesus!' or 'Heavens!' you're heard to have cursed -
That's blasphemy, brother, and christ, it's the worst!
'A Sunday's a fun-day for glory begun -
For hymns to the brim, and for songs by the ton!
Remember to cherish your mommy and dad;
They messed you up good, but they aren't all that bad!
'Adultery, stealing - they're pleasant, of course -
But totally banned with celestial force!
They share a perception; it's perfectly clear -
Don't take what you haven't acquired sincere!
'Be honest, contented, and pleased with your load -
Don't weep full of woe for the wealth that you're 'owed';
Be happy and clappy and merry in mind -
Be spriteful, delightful, and kindly-inclined!
'But mightily, vitally valued of all -
No matter the reason, enormous or small -
Don't murder another. Go forth, and go far.
And don't eat crustaceans. Those things are bizarre.'