BOOOM HEADSHOT!

Your dog is cute as frick if that's him/her in your avatar

as cute as a motherfricker

More up-to-date pic of him.

i've got some pretty big news. it's going to come as a shock to many of you. it's some pretty heavy shit. i don't expect all of you to make it. but for those who do, congratulations.
i just want to say hey to my fans. shoutout to all of my bros in compton. holla to my readers in the dominican, you know who you are!!!1 a big shoutout to my main nigga in pennsylvania, i wouldn't be here without you baby!!1
special thanks to my #1 donor in vermont!! i wouldn't be who i am today without your constant support and donations!! love you dawg!!
at this point in time, i'd like to invite everyone to look underneath their seats. yeah girl, that means you!! go ahead and open it! you deserve it!! free touques for all of you!!
now that i've finished eating my celebratory sour cream and onion chips/mars caramel in preparation for this riveting announcement, without further adieu...
i've been talking to a girl.
its been a very long journey, my friends.
it was especially hard the following weeks after the youtube girls ignored me and basically threw a harpoon through my heart
although this is most likely just the universe setting 2013 up and preparing to make this the shittiest year of my life, well idk
my years always tend to start good.
so while this is definitely the best start of the year since 2010, mother nature has a beef with me and she'll probably fuck my shit up hardcore to collect.
but i digress
back to happier things:
this girl is without a doubt the coolest girl i've ever met
ain't even an exaggeration
now you may be wondering. Pat, what if it's a guy again?
excellent question, sir. perhaps the most exciting of all things, i am proud to announce that there is 0% chance of this being a guy. this girl is 100% man free. she is comparable to a man the same way i am comparable to a normal human being. she doesn't have a penis, is what i'm trying to say. you'll just have to take my word for it
she has an accent
if we ever grow up and have kids one day, those kids are going to have some weird ass voices. i don't even know. i am confident in saying that a combination of our accents would more than likely result in them being bullied in school. i wouldn't want to be a parent of a kid with a strange voice. i'd probably bully him too. idk
when i'm talking to her, i don't feel like killing myself! i forgot what this felt like, lol!
she knows i masturbate and doesn't think i'm weird or a creep lol!
i've always thought it was one or the other: be single and watch porn/masturbate, or not be single and lie about masturbating/watching porn. but i was wrong. dead wrong
she kind of seems too good to be true
oh wait
she watches the big bang theory
that's definitely worth noting since i'd rather step on a lego than watch that shit
but i don't even care that much
man she's awesome
i can completely be myself to her and talk like a shithead
she's 7 hours ahead of me though. that's some shit. when I wake up, she's nearly ready for bed
but that's almost good news. gives me time to support my prostitute/cocaine habit etc. you know the dealio
i'll be sure to check back in a week and let you guys know if she gets sick of me etc

in other news:
went shopping with pisser today. wasn't really shopping at all really. it was me carrying the heavy shit for her.
was -25 out. i was forced to wear long johns. the extremely low temperature displayed the grey in her hair very well.
she was talking like a motherfucker. i was listening like a motherfucker. i was silently hoping she would get chapped lips. i know that's some harsh shit. i kind of crossed a line with that one. i give people death threats in my mind all the time, but chapped lips? that is one thing that isn't funny to joke about. but man, she just talks so much. i literally said less than 20 words and she said at least 500. why can't people just enjoy silence from time to time. idk
so we're approaching the mall. she coughs like a son of a bitch. she literally resembled a pirate.
i honestly won't be surprised if i caught lung cancer just by listening to it. i was asking for it.
keep in mind we're in front of the mall by now. there's just a bunch of cool good looking kids hanging around out by the door
so she finishes her cough
and just makes this noise. i don't know the proper words to accurately describe it. the best i can do is that it filled me with such horror and calamity that my jaw literally froze in place and i had to punch it a few times to get it back to normal
she then unleashes this unholy blob of terror from her mouth. it wasn't spit. this was fucking acid. i was waiting for the ice to just melt underneath it. i stood there not moving for quite some time.
pretty sure at this moment every single kid out by the door was staring at us too.
at this point, all i wanted was to get out of there alive.
but in the end, she bought me mcdonalds, so all is forgiven

until next time,
xoxoxoxo
gossip girl

holy fuck i miss walmart

less than 45 minutes from a peaceful quiet apartment on top of nowhere.

/e glad to see you trolling my trade threads again

This post was edited by Caulder10 on Jan 11 2013 03:58pm

ofc

here it is folks
my way out.
i can't put into words the sheer appreciation and devotion i feel to all of you
but unfortunately, like all things, my time has come
i ask you not to mourn my death, but to celebrate me
celebrate the good times we had
celebrate my rugged good looks and utter brilliancy
think of me when you're down
and know i'm always looking over you
especially when you're watching porn and think nobody will know
i'll know
and that's all i can ask for
is you keep this information close to your heart, and never stop loving.
goodbye, friends
i have in my hand a muffin
a muffin that pisser has more than likely passed cancer on to with her horrendous coughing fits
and i intend to end it all this day, no more suffering
its been grand

shit looks nasty

/e and if you are gonna go out, go out doing something useful. Like assassinating some shitty country's leader or something like that. Don't be so selfish, you never have been before.
Besides the only reason you are depressed is cause you live in canada, and not just canada but in one of the biggest holes in canada, now you are working in the other big shithole in canada. Why you think everyone there works non-stop and then spends their paycheck on booze and drugs. Cause its a shithole.
Come to America, or go to some decent european country like switzerland or amsterdam.
Or go to south america and find a nice lil tranny to settle down with.

All are better options

This post was edited by Caulder10 on Jan 12 2013 06:53pm