man im emo as fuck right now
and for the first time ever
im trying to feel awesome instead
and i don't know the steps to accomplish this
especially since some fucking idiot named yu just beat me in tetris
and so
i set out on a journey
a journey to self discovery and spiritual renewal
a long path down the beaten and weary road that is my mind
i scoured the internet long and far
i knew what i wanted
and i knew it was obtainable
the risks were great
but the reward was sweet.
my tetris skills have been lacking as of late
and all i wanted was an easy opponent
and that's what i got.

best 2$ i've ever spent
she sucked
(lol)

This post was edited by Reginaaccchecker13 on Apr 19 2013 08:04pm

lol wut
hahahah she didn't understand a fucking word you were saying
and lol @ miki and then the good ole spanish speaking kids show up, reminds me of playing counter-strike.

ps that is one ugly bitch
hahaha

you do know that is how you get viruses/malware on your pc

wondering what i missed

Inappropriate Post Content
Inappropriate Post Content

wait how the hell was the story about the physical inappropriate content? wtf

hey update time
and by update i mean i'm feeling extremely more emo than usual and must resort to posting here because i have nothing else to do lol!

to summarize:
- fuck life
-just fuck it
-literally fuck everything about it

things:
1) new job
2) taxi guys
3) tales of pisser v 3.98
4) maybe some more emo shit


so i got this new job back in april sometime
it's been pretty gay
and by gay i mean it's not terrible
and it's not great
just it's whatever
i work 13 days on/8 days off, 12 hour shifts
and the construction site is 2 hours away from here, so while i'm working said 13 day shifts, i sleep/live at the construction site
they have these shit load of buildings/rooms for all the workers to sleep in and there's probably about 500 of us living there total
all our food is provided, rooms are cleaned, etc
it's pretty cool
they have this cafeteria
you just go in, take whatever the fuck whenever the fuck and leave
day 1 i ate nothing
day 2 i ate around 19 donuts
day 3 i had some fruit
still not sure what's to come of this
there's also a gym there, and they serve steak and all that shit
so i can either a) be a fat piece of shit as per usual and just eat all the brownies everytime everywhere
or i can take this opportunity and eat healthy/work out
i'm confident i'll end up doing the fat piece of shit routine again
we'll see
so let me tell you about this fucking job
we're in this giant piece of land in the middle of fucking nowhere
literally these guys came in with chainsaws in the middle of the woods, cut down 15000 trees and what's left over is just a giant pit of dirt
there's 50+ tractors moving the dirt around and shit, and they're making the entire land completely level so they can build the oil refinery on it
there's a lot of shit to be done when all this land and shit is flat
but that ain't gonna be for another few weeks at least
so as of right now, there's essentially dick all for us to do
and there's 3 of us
there's me, chad, and verna
and let me tell you about these motherfuckers
i've spent 12 hours a day with them for over a week now, so i have a pretty clear idea of who they are
chad at first seemed like a bro. he's got a beard and glasses, so he has the preliminaries covered
he doesn't give even an ounce of a shit about anything
seemed like a generally funny/cool person at first
nah lol
then he got mad one day because i was doing something stupid and he yelled at me
lol oh ok
he's our supervisor so he has the privilege of yelling at us
i was backing up in the truck and was taking a long time to do so
ye so basically he's all IM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT IF YOU DONT HURRY UP
and im just here like fuck off you IDIOT
I DONT KNOW HOW THE FUCK TO BACK UP A GIANT ASS PICK UP TRUCK AND YELLING AT ME ISNT GOING TO HELP THE SITUATION IN ANY MANNER
IT WAS 3 IN THE MORNING AND DARK AS FUCK OUT AND THERE WAS FROST AND SHIT ON THE WINDOWS
did i also mention the trucks that are literally as big as houses are just roaming around
excuse the fuck out of me
if it takes me a little bit of extra time
to back up
you motherfucker
man fuck chad and his stupid beard
i hope it gets stuck in a conveyor belt and his entire fucking chin becomes severed and makes it impossible to grow a beard ever again
he just made me feel like shit
and fucking verna
holy SHIT
she is literally a fucking gremlin
she's the most haggard looking fucking short woman in canada
she's like 46 and weighs less than that
and i wouldn't give a shit about any of that if she wasnt annoying as FUCK
she's from saskatchewan and apparently people from there have stupid fucking accents
shes lazy as fuck and doesn't add anything to the conversation
i literally don't say a word the entire day and i add more than she does
she just makes these stupid fucking little comments
and okay
on day 1, i called shotgun
i got into the front seat, chad was driving, and she was in back
then day 2, exact same thing
i had clearly marked my territory of the front seat
plus whenever there was work to do, she would always stay in the truck, and i'd always get out and it's a lot easier access if im in the front seat
so okay
day motherfucking 3
this nigger strolls into work with her stupid fucking knitted sweater vest or some shit
we're walking to the truck
and she gets in the front seat
?????????????
ummm
excuse me motherfucker
that IS WHERE I SIT AND I THOUGHT I HAD MADE IT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT I WAS THE FRONT SEAT GUY
so i spent at least 3+ hours of the entire day trying to fucking maneuver my legs out of the back seat to get out while she sat up there and watched
fucking WHORE
day 4 rolls around
i don't give a shit
i run straight to the truck and hop into the front seat
when she comes along, i feel a little awkward, but fuck it
i'm nervous around every single gender of every single race ages 1-40
but when you're over 40
you better get the fuck out of my way
because i don't give a shit
so i've happily reclaimed my seat
all's good in the hood
we've come to an agreement
right?
nope lol!
she comes back early from break to make sure she gets it back lol!
i contemplate grabbing a piece of wood from the back of the truck and hitting her hands with it so she is physically incapable of opening any fucking doors ever again
instead i climb into the back where it's filled with garbage and slam the fucking door as hard as i can with built up passive aggression
it was just us sitting in the truck waiting for chad for a while
i was grinding my teeth so hard i'm pretty sure i was resembling a welder except the sparks flying everywhere was just bits and pieces of my teeth
pretty sure i pretended to punch the back of her seat a few times and hope she'd react in a catapult manner since she's literally smaller than a fucking cinder block and that she'd go flying out the windshield
pretty sure instead of doing that i instead just perpetually punched my knee to try to work out the madness
instead it just made my leg sore and made me even angrier
so i'm in the back seat getting out to do work and shit
she continues to sit inside the truck and watch
pretty sure im crying tears of anger at this point
not conventional clear tears or anything
just thick black liquefied rage dripping off of me all over the ground
pretty sure it was the closest i'll ever come to turning into hulk
day 5 or whatever the fuck day it was after this, she continues to take the front seat
it's reached the stage where i'll now feel immense awkwardness if i attempt to take the front seat
so for the rest of the shift, she went in the front
i stayed in the back
while i laid my head down on the seat
and gently weeped away my frustration
oh hey wait there's more lol!
this bitch says the word 'thou' when referring to 'thousand'
these idiots were talking about real estate or some shit for whatever reason
and she was telling pretend bro chad that she sold her house for 200k
and she said '200 thou'
oh this motherfucker
she was just trying to make me explode
WHY THE FUCK
WOULD ANYBODY SAY THOU IN PLACE OF THOUSAND
IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO SAY THE ENTIRE WORD
IT'S ONE MORE FUCKING SYLLABLE YOU RETARD FUCK
she must have said it at least 3 more times after that
and each time im pretty sure i let out an audible groan as i had to talk myself out of jumping out the back seat and into a fucking dump truck
like
???
what is this
i don't understand why anybody would say that
is she trying to sound hip or something
is she trying to connect with chad since he's in his 30s and she's just this old fucking person
wtf
i want to punch her in the face
fucking steal my seat
then sit in it and MOCK ME
FUCK

i also have spent a lot of alone time with chad, since verna is often off just doing whatever the fuck she wants
she just digs a hole in the dirt and hides out there for a few hours a day or some shit
i don't know
but me and chad have lots of alone time
and he is pretty funny i guess
not nearly as funny as the last supervisor i had back at the job i had in january
and everytime he tries to be funny
i just think
no man
you're not going to win me over so stop trying
my heart already belongs to jamie
and he was a much superior supervisor than you
you don't fucking yell at your workers
that isn't good supervision
that isn't good anything
especially not during the first few days of getting to know each other
wtf
he told me his wife is an artist though
so i laughed
and hi-fived the universe for the first time in my life
enjoy your family
i'm sure your wife is just raking in cash by the barrels
fucker
he had a threesome with his girlfriend (who was a stripper) with two other strippers and then did cocaine off of their bums
he told me that story surprisingly quick
like the second day he bust that bad boy out
i don't think he's lying
in any case
fuck chad
and his stripper girlfriends
he's probably a wife-beater since he yells all the time
and as such had to settle with an artist for a wife
man idk
he does seem like he's okay
but man just yelling at me on my first day just made me feel so unbelievably shitty i seriously contemplated going back home and just not returning
and i just really don't appreciate that kind of supervision at all
so whatever
we'll c
fuck verna though

so wednesday was my last night of my shift
took the 2 hour bus ride back home
the bus drops everyone off at the airport, as most of the workers fly back home on their 8 days off
so i had to get a taxi at the airport back to the apartment
so i'm walking through the airport
i see a big ol line of taxis waiting for guys
pretty happy about that
if it came down to me phoning a taxi or walking for 90 minutes with a giant bag of luggage, i probably would have walked
so i see this black guy standing in front of his taxi
he smiles at me and waves me over
i'm pumped
the man just looked happy and nice
i know he wanted to get me to my destination
and i just wanted to be a part of his day
i just wanted to shake his hand for being so approachable
so i'm walking over to him
when i get fucking ambushed
by another taxi
so there was this guy, two other taxis parked in front of him, and as i was passing one of those 2 taxis, these 3 fucking indians jump out
so there was this taxi
with 4 fucking indians inside
and they were just speaking in this language in which i have no understanding
i would assume indian
?
so all of them except the driver jump out
and they're like
YOU NEED TAXI????
and holy fuck
i have never felt more scared in my life
so if you guys have ever seen the movie Taken, you know what i'm talking about
this seemed so fucking suspcious
i was about 85% sure if i went with them i'd be sold as a person or raped/murdered
and all 3 of them had just formed a circle around me
so im just like what the fuck
HOW DO YOU REFUSE A FUCKING TAXI DRIVER AND JUST WALK 5 INCHES AWAY AND GET INTO ANOTHER TAXI MAN
every single one of my instincts was telling me
do not fucking get
in this car of rape
for the love of god
so i was trying to ask these questions to get me out of this
i wanted to make a signal in the air so friendly taxi bro would run over and save me from this ordeal
i needed him
so badly
but these towering rapists stood over me and blocked my vision
so i couldnt even look at him for comfort
so i was just like
yeah sorry
i only have my debit card on me and no cash
and they're like
OH NO PROBLEM WE TAKE DEBIT SURE
and man
it was at this point i just accepted my fate
i had done everything i could
it was out of my hands at this stage
so i just gave up
if i was going to be sold to some guy in china, it was gonna happen
i let out a sigh, and without even saying a word, one of the indians grabbed my bag and threw it in the trunk
i bowed my head as i stepped in to the front seat, as i prepared to say my goodbyes to my family and innocence
turns out it was just a normal taxi driver and he brought me home no problem tho

pisser
yeah so i haven't seen much of pisser since i've been at camp (will be referring to this from now on, it's just what the cabins where you sleep at on the work site are called)
she texts me
i try to ignore as much as i can
but the guilt takes over most of the time
and i end up replying
so i've been home for 3 days now
first 2 days were great, as pisser and joe were working, so i had the house to myself all day
pisser started her days off today though
and guess what
she got drunk lol!
there are literally 2 different locations in the living room where she pissed lol!
i went out earlier to get a granola bar and joe had to guide me through this path as to avoid the piss lol!
i fucking woke up at 3
i go out into the living room
she's just passed out on the couch on top of this random fucking old guy
??????
WHAT
the fucking door and windows are wide open, country music is blasting on the radio
there's just random pieces of pizza on the table
the floor is a mess of empty beer cans
what the motherfucking shit
i get out of there asap
i walk to walmart to buy a new mattress, as i busted mine yesterday
which is the 6th mattress i've broke since january
so i've literally allocated a budget for new mattresses every month
i don't fucking get it man
i don't know what i'm doing wrong
IT DOESNT MATTER HOW I FUCKING LAY ON IT OR ANYTHING
I ALWAYS END UP PUNCTURING A HOLE IN IT SOMEHOW AND I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW
fucking HORSE SHIT
so im gone for an hour
come back with mattress
pisser+mysterious friend are awake when i get home
no pls
she is wasted
old guy looks at me come in and just ignores me
he's in his underwear and shit and is calling pisser back over to cuddle
oh lol
ok
sure
it's not like i live here or anything
you go ahead and ignore me
and stay there in your underwear
you're only 65
no biggie
nothing strange about this situation
i look down and his feet are a couple of inches away from one of pissers' puddle of periodic pissery
and i can't help but think
man
what are you even doing
do you not realize the monster that you're currently adoring
i just have so many questions for him
just
i just want to know what in his life made him go down this path
that made him end up here
idk man

yeah so all day they were out there
being drunk and old
and just making a giant mess of gross old people stuff+piss
ugh
it was just a shitty day today
and i missed fucking basebol cos i couldnt go out there to watch the tv

yeah so because of all that
idk
i've been in my room all day
watching movies of all things
and i am not a fucking movie guy
im a tv person
so for me to watch movies all day is weird as fuck
and it just made me depressed and lonely
and now i'm all emo and shit
and im hungry
but i don't even know if it's safe outside these walls
and i'm just
i just want to go home


oh lol
couldn't fght off my hunger any more
went out to get chicken wings
mystery man is lying naked on the couch
and him and pisser are having a conversation
and they're both so drunk i literally can't make out a word they're saying
ok lol





i actually got a mod to remove those posts
i read it over a few times and just found it was a boring as fuck story so i got rid of it


i actually think she's pretty hot tbh
you can see a bit of nip action going on there

This post was edited by Reginaaccchecker13 on May 4 2013 12:51am

glad I finally got a chance to read that wall of text

really the only thing that jumped out at me was your mattress problem.. I don't get it.. how do you destroy mattresses. And unless its a waterbed, what does a "puncture" matter? or are you like tearing that shit up like I would tear up your asshole?
my only guess is that you are having such raging boners when you sleep, that you are poking through the mattress. what about your sheets? or do you not use sheets?

the rest of the update seems to be quite normal, although you don't really say what you do at work.

and if you think that cab incident was bad, beware if you ever go to Delhi airport in India, get mobbed by Indians trying to take your bags and you don't know who they are, what the fuck they are doing and they don't speak English at all. My dad just about punched a guy in the face. And all the cabs there are like that. They all try to take your bags so you have to use their service. Then they try to tell you that their normal tip is $20 US dollars, when in fact it is like 10 rupees, which is like 50 cents.

man i'm emo as fuck
i'm listening to this song
and it's a fantastic song
it gets me pumped up about tetris
and i just go ham as fuck when listening to it
but it just makes me miserable
because it makes me think of british girl
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
man
why do i have torpedo every piece of happiness that comes my way
seriously
i'm happy for about a month every year
and when that happiness shows up
i need to take a picture or some shit
because i just run it into the fucking ground as soon as it appears
i'm a god damn torpedo
ready to be fired through the water
and explode on impact
except im not made of metal
i'm made of flesh
and instead of exploding and blowing up a ship
my heart implodes
and sends a shock wave through the water
and then the dolphins come swimming up to see what all the fuss is about
and the sonic wave my now deflated heart is emitting
intertwines with their dolphin language
and they become confused
they don't know what's going on
so they become hostile
and begin jabbing me in the shin with their flippers
and i don't have it in me to fight back against a dolphin
so i lay there in the water and let them do their business
one of them makes an otter sound as he jumps up in the air and catapults on top of me
eventually another torpedo is fired
one that isn't made up of pat
and it explodes the works of the bastards
and dolphin tidbits go flying everywhere
so i swim under water to escape the hailstorm of flippers
i swim to the bottom of the ocean where i find a turtle walking along the sand
i say hey to him
he ignores me and continues walking
i don't like to be ignored
i say hey again
and before he can ignore me
i pick him up
and give him a deathly stare in the eyes
and tell him to talk to me
and that i'm sick of the silence
he slaps me with his arm
i drop him and recoil back
i trip over a piece of coral reef
my jeans are immediately ripped
good jeans
i didn't get them at wal-mart
then i realize i've been underwater for 10 minutes
and i should probably get air
so i float back up to the surface
and i hop out of the water
and im on a beach
walking along minding my own business
when this 7 year old kid comes up to me
and throws sand in my face
i wipe it away
pick him up entirely
and throw him head first into the water
he trips on a rock and tumbles on into the ocean never to be seen again
then all the beach goers approach me
and they call me mean things
when all i did was defend myself against an idiot of a kid
then as a group
they pick me up
and carry me to the court house
where a judge sentences me to 30 years in prison
i go to some canadian prison
i walk out the second day as there's no security whatsoever
i travel the globe
i fly to mexico
befriend a camel named joe
he only has one hump and he's insecure about it
but i respect him for who he is
i grow a short moustache
and buy a sombrero
and we travel the desert together
30 minutes later we discover that we weren't in the desert
but in the middle of a city
and i before i could realize this
i had already started yelling out racial slurs at the top of my lungs
to express my new found freedom
the mexicans weren't happy
joe was likewise disappointed
a cute arab girl comes by and steals joe away from me
i'm left alone
i don't know what to do
so i hitch a ride on a bus
and go back to canada
there's this guy on a horse there
and i tell him i walked out of prison one time
he thanks me for my confession and buys me dinner
we become friends
his name is charles
he bought me a steak
it was pretty good
we go back to his house
he has a wife
she's very good looking
he offers me the guest room which is upstairs
i go to sleep
mrs. charles enters my room at 4 in the morning
she reveals to me that she's in love with me
we spend the next 2 hours planning out the rest of our lives together
charles hears us and enters the room
we tell him we're planning out our new life together
he joins us and helps us think
i ask him if he can spare some money
he gives me 500$
me and mrs charles leave together and prepare to spend eternity together
we take her car and drive downtown
then we realize we have no where to sleep and have no jobs and that we dont know each others middle names
i tell her mine is william
she is abhorred by it
she leaves me and goes back to charles
i keep the 500$ and her car
i drive to wisconsin
i don't know where in canada i was but i hope there wasn't an ocean between there and wisconsin because that'd make driving there difficult
there isn't much to do in wisconsin
i check into a hotel that's 30$ a night
it's disgusting
i enter my room to find a dog lying on the bed
not sure why or who
but there's just a dog there
he's pure white and loyal looking
i call him joe #2
we cuddle all night
i wake up and leave and take joe #2 with me
we become best friends
we braid each others hair and gossip
we ate chocolate ice cream while talking about girls
but then he died because dogs arent allowed to eat ice cream
so i took him back to the hotel room where i found him
and prepared to dig a hole in the floor boards to bury him
all that was under the floor was more boards
so i dug them up too
and threw joe #2 in
he landed in the room beneath me
an elderly couple woke up to a dead dog in their bed
they screamed and woke up the rest of the hotel
i tried to run away buy a man named steven stopped me
i was deported back to canada
the same judge sentenced me to another 30 years
this time i stayed for a week
but i quickly grew tired
i met a guy in there named sven
he was swedish
i think
im not sure
but i've never met any white guys named sven
we played checkers together and i always won
then one time he asked me to have sex with him
and it ended our friendship
so i packed my bag and checked out
then i went back to the ocean and began swimming
and spent the rest of my life looking around for that turtle
i thought i came across him one day
but it wasn't him
just a random turtle
i was angry that it wasn't him
so i kicked him
then my foot sank into a pit of mud the turtle was standing on
and he ruthlessly headbutted me over and over until a swordfish came along and harpooned him
it was one of the most spectacular things i've ever seen
i bid the swordfish adieu and continued searching for that one turtle
i forgot to go back up for air again though
and i died

idk



loool
yes, precisely
i simply cannot contain my raging boners!
i can't explain it any better than that though
cos i lterally don't understand it
its a regular air mattress
then a sheet
and then me
and i guess i just move around awkwardly
because a few days later
air will randomly deflate out of it
and i'll pump some back in there
but it won't stay in
then ill go to bed and wake up to a competely deflated mattress
and realize that i've been sleeping on a boxspring all night
and im going to develop back issues soon if this keeps happening
ugh

the thing is, we aren't doing anything at work
we do general labour
and thats basically
hey this giant dump truck got stuck in the mud
go bring a cable over to him and get him unstuck
that happens a couple of times a night
then since we're working night shift and in the middle of the woods, its pitch black out there
so we go around setting up these giant stadium lights
they're massive
literally exact same kind as the ones you see at stadiums
so we set them up all over the site
and that takes up the bulk of our time
and then sometimes a guy needs a light stand moved, etc etc
that literally is basically all we've been doing
if there's garbage and shit, we'll take it to the dumpster
the pick up trucks get dirty fast, so i've been cleaning the windows and shit with windex
it's extremely boring and i hate it

and i would have punched an indian in the face, even if he was making complete sense and being reasonable
disappointed mr ripley didn't take advantage of this
seriously though that is retarded
god damn indians man
i ain't ever visiting there
even if kevin spacey is chlliing out there

This post was edited by Reginaaccchecker13 on May 7 2013 04:45am

probably cheaper to buy a real mattress instead of new air mattress every week bro, also never heard of putting an air matress on box springs before.. could be whats holing it.
or are you concerned pisser will piss on it so you need something you can just hose off?

NIGGA HEY
one of these rare occasions where i'm not emo as fuck so i'm going to write here lol!
given the circumstances, i should be emo, as the list of people who give a shit about my day is quickly diminishing
so i turn to here instead
how does it feel to be second pick
you piece of shit
fuck you
so lemme tell you about my day

i stroll into work
haircut still looking fresh like i got it yesterday
ears are just hanging off the side of my head like flippers
literally had no idea my ears were so big
they're just fucking there
so that's cool
my hair isn't long enough yet to cover them
so im just this guy
ye so it's hot as fuck in alberta
yesterday was the hottest day i've seen in my fucking life
and that isn't saying much since i rarely leave the house
but lemme tell you
it was fucking hot
i was outside for 10 minutes
and the motherfucking sun picked me off like it was a magnifying glass and i was this giant eared ant with a sexy as fuck scruff underway
i get this god damn sunburn asap
no waiting around whatsoever
it just appears
its on my fucking neck and ears the worst
then there's just a tiny bit on my nose because why not
have never been in such pain in my entire life
not even that one time i got a hangnail on my big toe
and needed to be sedated to rip the cocksucker off
so i go home
sleep
get up to shower
can't move neck cos its extreme pain
head is literally unable to swivel
i say a few prayers before walking in to the shower
a few milometers of tears roll out of my eyes before stepping in as i know what's about to happen
the tears and shower water form a vortex of evil and despair
i turn my body
water splashes over my neck
i punch the faucet and call it mean things
i become resentful over my hand now in pain
literally unable to go through such torture again
so i have to wash my hair
in this sideways awkward as fuck position
basically i sat down in the actual shower
and just washed my hair like that
to avoid it getting on my neck again
so that was fun lol!
so transport to today
shit is peeling off like fuck
i've got dried skin just chilling out and nowhere to go
i've never had a sunburn before
but what the fuck
i tried to rip some of the skin off
and it HURT LIKE FUCK
so i got this sunscreen to prevent it from ever happening again
i put it on
it makes my face dry as FUCK
when i open my mouth to talk literally the only part of my face that moves are my lips
the rest of my face is just stone
the other half is sunburned
and whatever half is left is just handsomeness
im just looking pretty fierce as fuck atm

okay so today
i get to work
ready to do some general labour
ie ride around in a truck for 12 hours a day
when suddenly
mike motherfucking walsh
aka superintendent
aka goatee motherfucking badass who's having casual sex with one of the female workers at our job
he's 45 and doesn't give a shit
she's 22 and is an idiot judging by the size of her glasses
nigga comes up to me with his deep voice
i instantly want to sex him up too
tells me im spending the day with the mechanic
oh okay
scared as fuck
i don't like doing things im not familiar with
and familiarizing with people is something im not familiar with
so this was bad
ruined my day really
was thinking of going home sick
but today was all overtime
so i had to ride the storm out
and rode her i did
it's 7 am
i meet up with jay the mechanic
nigga is kangaroo as fuck
he's just this australian guy
and he has the accent
and idk man it just was the best thing i've heard in my life
and i wanted to sit there and listen to him talk
and let the sweet words wash over my sunburnt ears
we drive to this motherfucking dozer called a d10
it's big as dicks
the blade on it is bigger than the length of your room
ain't even an exaggeration
this thing could literally mow down your house bitch
he gives me this fucking grinder
i think that's what it was called
it was this big rod
with a sharp as fuck spinny thing on the end
he tells me to go under the dozer
and start grinding off the dirt n shit
oh lol
you mean crawl under this machine that's as big as my house
with an electric saw
and start cutting the metal with it
hey sure
i've never used a grinder before in my life
i don't even know if it was called a grinder
i dont even know why im referring to it as a grinder
its a fucking spinning blade of murder is what it is
but i ain't one to complain
and of all things i didn't want to do, disappointing this aussie wasn't gonna happen
so i crawl under there
and start grinding away
a good 5 minutes pass before i nearly kill myself lol!
aint even gonna lie
surprised i lasted that long
so im slouched under this monster of a truck
no room to move my arm
and i have this giant fucking saw of death above my face just spinning out sparks left right and center
the dirt is a fucking waterfall that is just flowing into my mouth
im crying and instead of tears coming out it's mud
i put down the grinder while its still spinning to try to avoid inhaling an entire beach worth of dirt and sand
the grinder is still spinning
i lay it down on the extension cord
the grinder fucking saws itself in half
giant fucking burst of sparks come flying at me
it's a good thing i was covered in fucking sand to protect me cos this shit came at me lightning fast
i was coughing up some dust while this went down so a few sparks landed on my fucking tongue
all i could taste was fire and dirt
i stuck my tongue out to try to wave the taste away and ended up getting more dirt on it
i try to form some saliva to get rid of it
literally there is no water left in my body
it's all turned to mud
tongue is just burning on fire
i fucking crawl out of there like i was a trapped miner
not sure what i thought getting out and standing up would do
my tongue was still a dirt inferno
people were driving by
so instead of submerging my head into a well and just licking around it and looking retarded
i casually strolled along with my hands in my pocket
until the burning subsided
i called up my aussie friend
i tell him the grinder randomly stopped working
he picks it up
sees the cord is chopped in half
i just shrug and say idk how that happened
gives me this look that i can only describe as a mix of australian kinship and curiosity as to how somebody could be such a retard
so he's like
here, take mine
all austrailian-y
i crawl back under to the death pit
begin grinding off dirt again
a good 2 hours passed before i almost killed myself again
gave myself a pat on the back for that one
im grinding off dirt
sparks etc
dirt etc
i put down the grinder and stretch out my body/head cos im confined as fuck
look at the ground
giant fucking puddle of gas right on the ground
grinder was just throwing sparks everywhere like it didnt give a shit
i crawl like a motherfucker back out
literally crawling for my life
figured there was a spark lying on the ground in wait
was like one of those movies where a bunch of guys are running and then there's an explosion behind them
it was like that
except i was coughing up dirt and couldn't navigate my way out properly because my face shield kept hitting the top of the machine/ground
so the whole thing took about 5 minutes
i got out and spun around like holy shit
fuck is this
i call aussie bro
tell him i literally was 10 seconds away from exploding
he tells me nah it's fine
wut
i ain't no mechanic
but im pretty sure
fire and gas
equals fucking pat dying in a firey pit of sad
he assured me it was fine tho
sure
i crawl back in and continue doing my business
im prepared to just die at any given moment
nothing happens tho
so it took 7 hours for me to get all the dirt off underneath it
still had 5 hours left
i alert australia about it
he doesn't thank me for a job well done
nor did he give me props for not dying
which i was saddened by
he gives me some more shit to do with the grinder
at this point im a fucking grinding master
im handling that rod so fucking hard
just spinning off chunks of metal and sand like i was a god damn human sized drill bit ready to fucking screw
so i spent the last 5 hours
grinding dirt off some other shit for the fuck of it
it was 5:00
i had 1 hour left
my hands are dead
literally dead
i like my hands
so i was worried about this
they were numb as fuck
and i couldn't squeeze my finger in hard enough to hit the trigger
couldn't even lift the grinder anymore
so i spent that hour
waving my hands around like a fucking idiot
trying to regain the feeling back
with no such luck
i get nothing done between 5-6
aussie comes over
tells me ty for the help
i apologize for nearly killing everything around me and ruining his grider
he says 'yeah'
i get home an hour ago
look in the mirror
i look like a fucking swamp monster
there is more dirt on my face
than pat
literally i resemble a pit of dirt more than i resemble a human
i've got this dirt beard on the go
and the dirt just combined with the beard
and i just look like this creature
idk man
stupid day



its cos waking up on an air mattress without it being elevated is the hardest fucking thing i've had to do in my life
so we have it on the box spring
dad has had it like that for months without a problem tho
but then when i use it
it just dies
ITS BULLSHIT CAULDER
AND IM SICK OF IT
WHEN CAN I SLEEP IN YOUR BED INSTEAD

This post was edited by Reginaaccchecker13 on May 18 2013 09:19pm

you know the address