Total current debt:
100,000 Forum Gold
Day 23
Debt is unofficially finished.
I have 100k left however I have more than 100k in the works for pending freerolls. If I don't tread carefully again I'll repeat my actions for the 3rd time. There's a lot of peer pressure especially if I'm officially not in debt I'll be considered a leech. In a day or two I should have enough fg to finish off all the debt completely and host the 2 freerolls I originally wanted to finally. If I look at the amount of fg I lost prior to the 2 loan hells + the recovery and community participation in 1000s of games I think I'm more than deserving of some "leeching". I'll do me and haters can do themselves 
. My warn could have been removed 4 days ago but it was not conceded. I was really counting on getting the warn removal + finishing debt around the same time so I could log out. I haven't decided yet what to do now.
Things Pending:
Thank you and/or possible apology thread
25k + 100k freeroll
Several new guides (at least 4) / updates to previous ones
Rank 42 glyphing + emptying my vault (ladder slasher)
If I am able to build up fg again I will begin loaning others again as well.I put so much fg into circulation in the past 2 months and I'm labelled a leech and harassed and flamed on a personal level by racists, bigots, incels and drug addicts. The same guys who adamantly post "mind your own business" are constantly posting and talking about me and my business. Then if I mention someone else trying to take advantage by being a leech it's back to "mind your own business". We are all hypocrites to some degree I suppose.
A lot of people helped and cared to encourage me (not that I need encouragement but it doesn't hurt morale thats for sure). A lot just gossip and hope for everyone else's destruction.
The amount of gaslighting, that is one day people being nice, the next flaming me, and the next being nice again is unreal. People creating all sorts of lies to lible me and then not stick with it. When I respond I get warned and suspended as always. My warn is always drama related. To avoid this I must avoid caring about a place I spend a lot of time in.
I see many people with far less debt than I've had scam, disappear and take little to no action to repay.
There are still 11 people who owe me fg
most are afk or locked already. There is still 500k+ out there unlocked and maybe I'll be blessed
with a repay eventually. These guys had bad luck and decided to take a vacation. I had bad luck, I had issues with modeators, issues with other users, got scammed by several people, exorbitant debt pit, Serious health issues, etc. If I can do it you can do it.
I only canned a handful of games in the past 2 months with 0 fg and I also tried canning many more but most of the time no one pooled. The meta has changed in bnp. If you're not pooling a good portion of the game you most likely wont get pooled. The ultra rich tend to do whatever they want and not care about what others do with their fg or anyone's particular predicament. This is not always the case though and that's where the people distinguish themselves. If you want to pool 100k on someone why not do it on someone who needs it versus someone who doesn't if you like both equally.
So no matter how hard I try to make things better, more fair, to prove my innocence of accusations, prove other's guilt, it feels like the majority of people only care about themselves and their own narratives. People don't want see reason even if its right in front of them. This is again not always the case thank god. THere are others you can factually prove things to and they will continue to throw shit at the wall like monkeys.
-When the facts change my opinion changes. I'd like to befriend more people who are flexible enough to change their outlook once the information changes. I Know I've assumed things about people and then their friends showed me the bigger picture and I realized i was wrong.
So because I have to put up with all this and I keep ending up in the same cycle and the debt alone is enough to make anyone quit the site but on top of that I Have to deal with overbearing mediation and harassment daily, I'll be silent and I'll mind my own business that's for sure. I'll recover my former fg status and I will be stronger than ever and I won't fall into gambling or tilting again losing all my fg.
Instead I think I will be loan shark king. This could all just be bs though.
WHen I am officially done with my debt and not just unofficially I'm sure I'll have more to say but this is the jist. There are glimpses of hatred and bullying and there are instances of kindness and encouragement.
