Recently got into journaling, but I write too slowly for it to be a strategy for reflecting on all the thoughts I find myself having--particularly those that are both fleeting and wheel-turning. As such, I thought this blog could be a space for me to document on some of those thoughts for my future reflection. These are just the thoughts of 1 human out of billions.

10/02/2022

I'm a far-left person, politically speaking, but averse to identifying with anything beyond that as I personally think identifying with a specific identity or political group often results in the propensity for groupthink to form and a lack of empathy-driven conversations when interacting with people who are not a part of the same group identity. Recently then, I've been reflecting on the short-comings and issues within the modern American left lately in the hopes that I can at least incorporate my own reflections in my conversations with people whom hold socio-political views that are very different than, if not outright opposed to, my own.

One such example has been in watching conversations with people on the left on the topic of abortion. There seems to be a hesitancy to answer the question "When does life begin?" that is earnestly asked by those on the right / pro-life individuals. I can, on one hand, understand the hesitancy because it is a big biological and philosophical question that may require a certain amount of hubris to state that life begins at X with utter confidence. At the same time, I think that it is reasonable and okay to have an opinion on the matter because certainly life does not come into existence spontaneously--and for this reason, I think the left would benefit from just answering that question outright. I disagree that life begins at fertilization/conception as pro-life people often suggest, because I don't think the elementary, base conditions to allow for the development of life to form from fertilization alone. Further, I think the most logical, apolitical answer is that life begins at implantation. While a whole host of things can happen that can result in miscarriage as further variables will need to be ensured for development to continue (ie. enough nutrition to sustain both the life of the parent and the child), the absolute minimum variables needed would be the process of successful implantation. Consequently, I find it frustrating that oftentimes people who are pro-choice (as I myself am) will avoid this question or feel that somehow 'conceding' that a fetus is a manifestation of life somehow invalidates the pro-choice argument. Personally, I think both the parent and the unborn fetus are life, and the reason why this topic of abortion is so complicated is because there are two lives co-existing with respect to physical space. The pro-life argument makes sense to me, in terms of understanding or empathizing with it, and yet I still am myself pro-choice because I think the argument necessitates that someone's rights will be infringed no matter the outcome of the abortion debate, and whether people end up on the pro-life or pro-choice side is likely the result of their deep-seated values rather than anything nefarious. If conversations were approached from that lens more often, I think we'd have much more civil and productive conversations about abortion.

10/03/2022

Near the start of the year I happened to come across someone online who was into financial domination. I knew a thing or two about it in theory, but had never met someone who was actually interested in being financially submissive without any kind of expectation of anything in return. It was really then interesting to talk with him, but over time, the once-factual conversation became demonstrative. He ended up sending me $20 and said he wanted to be financially submissive to me. As we continued to talk, he eventually started sharing some of the underlying motivations and feelings that lead him to first discovering financial domination/submission. Through getting to know him more, I found his story a bit concerning since he seemed to be motivated to be financially submissive due to a history of trauma and socialization that resulted in him having really low self-esteem and self-worth. Part of financial domination can often involve having to show your bank balance on request, and so as I got to talk to him more (and he continued to send me money as "thank you" for talking with him) he ended up showing me that despite living alone as an adult he only had $150 in his checking and less than $1,000 in his savings. The dude was spending so much of his money on financial submission, and they were guys that he didn't know (he just found them online). Felt really bad for the guy. In total he ended up sending me $370.

I ended up talking with him enough that I encouraged him to meet with a therapist, and now several months later he had his first appointment last week and is working on building his self-esteem and saving his money for his future. I just sent him his $370 back. I hope he continue to do well out there. What an interesting guy.

10/14/2022

It blows my mind in the most epic way possible to realize that humanity is a form of consciousness so evolved that it has reached the point where it could theoretically communicate with all forms of equivalent consciousness and could collaborate on endeavors on a scale unlike anything previously seen on this planet by mammals. I don't think it'll happen within my own lifetime, but I reserve that it will one day. To imagine a human society where people are kind, helpful, collaborative, safe, and trustworthy. What a time to be alive that would be.

10/28

I'm questioning: Should we stop teaching kids how the dinosaurs went extinct?

11/02

Another thought I had was that I want to consider changing how I would respond whenever someone says "Why don't I just kill myself?".

Rather than immediately try and redirect. Why not lean into the very thing they just said? It was quite powerful what they said.I would now ask people "Yeah! Why don't you kill yourself?".

Not sarcastically, and not in a way that encourages sell-harm. But in a way that acknowledges that any of us could just to end our own life at any time, and yet here we (they) are. Why is that? I can only imagine that the answers people provide would be quite profound and critical to any suicide intervention. Is it because you love your family? Because you have kids to care for? Because your favorite anime has a new episode coming out this Saturday? Your dog would be sad to miss their morning walk?

Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. What's important is that there is a reason.

This post was edited by Handcuffs on Nov 2 2022 07:45pm

11/10

I imagine that the presence of "competition" was/is an enormous evolutionary pressure on humanity, particularly interspecies conflict. However, I find myself quite tiresome of competition in the modern age--that is, the kind of conflict that is more than playful, friendly, and without major consequence. What a terrible state of our evolutionary history that we find ourselves in, as we're so sub-divided that some people kill other people as though we are not all one. Horrific.

This post was edited by Handcuffs on Nov 10 2022 10:55pm

11/11

If one were to view existence as being akin to spawning into an MMO, then human existence on Earth has vastly different experiences based on one's personal, familial, and societal spawn points. It feels overwhelming to think about the fact that I have such luxury and privilege to post on JSP, from the safety of my home in America, while child laborers in Bangladesh are dying. What a horrible state of affairs this server is. I hope that we can improve the average spawn point across the world via increasing quality of life, reducing violence, and increasing health care and education. I also believe it possible, not within my lifetime, but for future generations beyond my comprehension.

11/12

I'm sick over this 3-day weekend. I hate being sick. I hope I don't have to miss work on Monday, not because I want to be at work, but that because coming back to work after having time out only compounds how behind I am and the subsequent stress I feel.

11/16

I am still sick, which has sucked majorly. One of the positives of this though is that is has given me ample time alone to think about whether I want to stay at my current job as a therapist/case manager in my local county's mental health system. The resounding answer is: No.

Once I'm well enough to go back in, I plan on giving notice to leave even if I don't have anything immediately lined up.

11/17

I had to pause real quick as I am watching the film Requiem for a Dream for the first time. I had a thought: The people who leverage other peoples' serious addictions (ie. by supplying drugs or money in exchange for sex) are just incels who found the cheat code that is 'power'. If the only reason why someone would have sex with you is because their addiction is so severe, and so serious, that they therefore desperately need your money/drugs, then you are certifiably whack as shit. Not hot in any way imaginable. A walking antidote to arousal and absolutely terrible at sex.

This post was edited by Handcuffs on Nov 18 2022 01:06am