Quote (Jccwu @ Sep 29 2011 08:35am)
Cheсk this:
Hello dear Tech.Support.
Coffee-machines EP-850 delivered by you lately, have the same defect - the pump doesn't work and water constantly pours out drop by drop into the bowl.
Our earnest request to check your coffe-machines before delivery.
Best regards.
That's actually really good. Not perfect, but anyone speaking English would understand exactly what you are trying to say without much difficulty.
A few things I would change:
1. "Coffee machine." If a noun is followed by another noun, it automatically becomes an adjective, so you don't really need the hyphen.
2. "delivered by your recently." Lately is used for continuous tense, like "I've been eating a lot lately". If you are talking about a single event, it's not applicable. Unless they've been delivering a lot of machines over a period of time, and every time they deliver a new batch it has the same problem. If that's the case, you should say "The EP-850 coffee machines you've been delivering lately".
3. "water constantly drips into the bowl". "Pours out drop by drop" is an oxymoron, since 'pours' means there's a lot of it. It's like saying "На улице льёт как из ведра по капильке". You are contradicting yourself.
4. "It is our earnest request that you check" would be better, but even then people don't usually say that. Usually something simpler like "Please check your coffee machines before delivery" feels more natural. It's more of a personal style choice, however, and the situation may call for differently worded sentences, so that part is up to you.
On the whole though, it's quite good. If you can just write up something like this without using a dictionary, then you should be able to talk to native speakers without any real problems.