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Feb 23 2012 04:13am
Quote (easty20 @ May 1 2011 07:26am)
how to get off a speeding ticket:


Woman: "Is there a problem officer?"

Officer: "Ma'am you were speeding."

Woman: "Oh, I see."

Officer: "Can I see your license please?"

Woman: "I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."

Officer: "Don't have one?"

Woman: "Lost it 4 times for drinking."

Officer: "I see, can I have your vehicle registration papers please?"

Woman: "I can't do that."

Officer: "Why not?"

Woman: "I stole this car and hacked up the owner."

Officer: "You what?"

Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."

The officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away from his car, and calls for back-up. Within 5 minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

Senior Officer: "Ma'am could you step out of your vehicle please!"

Woman: "Is there a problem officer?"

Senior Officer: "One of my men told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

Woman: "Murdered the owner!"

Senior Officer: "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please."

The woman opens the trunk revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Senior Officer: "Is this your car ma'am?"

Woman: "Yes, here are my registration papers."

The first officer is stunned.

Senior Officer: "One of my men claims that you do not have a driver's license."

The woman digs into her book bag and draws out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer looks quite puzzled as he glances at the license.

Senior Officer: "I'm sorry ma'am. One of my men claims that you didn't have a license, stole this car and murdered the owner."

Woman: "Betcha the lyin' bastard told you I was speeding too!"


haha
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Mar 9 2012 07:48pm
An airplane s left engine caught fire and the palne in going down a sexy women stands up and says I want to feel like a women one last time before I die. So she strips all her clothes off till she's naked and says " is there any man that will make me feel like a women" a man stands up and takes his shirt of and says "here iron this"
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Mar 12 2012 08:27pm
so, after 4 hours, ive finally finished reading this, YES I READ SLOW good job boys and girls
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Apr 11 2012 12:53am
Quote (smp2007 @ Mar 13 2012 02:27pm)
so, after 4 hours, ive finally finished reading this, YES I READ SLOW good job boys and girls


Took me about the same :)
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Apr 11 2012 01:01am
lllll
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Apr 11 2012 04:49am
jsp wont let me post videos. but heres the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=NKDXuCE7LeQ#!
2:20 in

OLDMAN VS IPOD.
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Apr 29 2012 02:17pm
This thread made my day at work enjoyable big thx and I'm still cracking up
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May 10 2012 12:43am
lol
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May 14 2012 05:14am
Nice thread very funny spent hours reading.
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May 18 2012 12:38pm
lmk

Quote (1st joke)
A man is working at walmart, when he notices one of the regular customers, a five-inch tall miniature man, naked and wandering around the store aimlessly.
He proceeded to talk to the little guy who, looking obviously disoriented, said he must have forgot his cloths in his car, and is sorry for the embarrassment.

Five mintues later the walmart employee saw the miniature man naked and dancing in front of a group of girls making sexual gestures, insinuating he could be used as a phallus.
The walmart employee goes over to the little guy, calms him down, has him put his cloths back on, asks him to "Take a break from the store", and returns to doing his work.

Ten minutes later he becomes appalled when he sees the little five-inch tall man naked and hanging on the side of a woman's waist, humping the customers hip.
He goes over to that little man, who did kind of resemble a phallus, and says "sir, you must exit the store now, and if i see you here again I'm calling the cops" to which the little five-inch guy replies "If you want me gone, why don't you just fix your zipper?"

Quote (2nd joke)

A native in Africa invents a lotion that turns people invisible.
He rubs the lotion all over his body, and proceeds to enter a tourists' bar.
He walks over to the bar tender and asks for a beer, to which the bartender replies "Can't you see the sign? We don't serve colored folk here"


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