Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"Sure go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"You're so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're going to hate
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Just going to wash my hair
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" = Too late, you're dead