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Jan 5 2013 02:06pm
Quote (Banana_Lover @ Jan 5 2013 03:02pm)
LMFAO. Just spat gatorade all over my keyboard at work reading that. :rofl:
More funny stories incoming!


:rofl:
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Jan 5 2013 02:12pm
Quote (DatFapSmell @ Jan 5 2013 01:06pm)
:rofl:


Here's one.. omfg.. LOL

Quote

‘Walking Dead’ Prompts Jared Gurman To Shoot His Girlfriend


Aren’t the humans supposed to be on the same side in a zombie apocalypse? Well, AMC’s The Walking Dead has made it very clear that humans cannot be trusted post zombie takeover, and it seems the same goes for real life.

Deadline.com reports that Long Island’s Jared Gurman was arrested on the charge of attempted murder of his girlfriend, Jessica Gelderman, after the couple argued the legitimate possibility of a zombie apocalypse. The argument stemmed from  The Walking Dead’s pilot episode, when the main character, Rick, wakes up after a coma to find the world overrun by zombies. Gurman was adament this sort of situation could actually occur and didn’t appreciate Gelderman ridiculing his opinions. So, to take out his frustration Gurman shot her in the back with a .22 caliber rifle. Jessica survived the attack with a pierced lung, pierced diaphragm  and shattered rib. She’s in stable condition, but her presumably now ex-boyfriend isn’t quite as stable.

At a conference on Tuesday, Gurman justified his arguement, stating “There could be military mishap that would result in some sort of virus being released that could cause a terrible thing to happen.” Alright Gurman, we agree that you are entitled to your own opinion, but is it really worth shooting your girlfriend and going to jail over? Although, per The Walking Dead Season 3, a jail might be a safe haven in a zombie apocalypse. Perhaps Gurman was on to something…

My word of advice to Jared Gurman?  If you really believe in a military prompted zombie apocalypse, it sounds like it’d be pretty hard for you to get (and keep) anything resembling a girlfriend. In the future it might be wise to avoid shooting any girl with potential to be your boo or the relationship will be dead in the water. Or she’ll just be dead. Just something to consider when you get out of jail and back in the dating pool.

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Jan 5 2013 02:14pm
..... Not funny... Just wow.

Quote

Dubliner found guilty of raping his mother on Mother’s Day
Rapist awaits sentence after claiming sex was consensual


A Dublin man is awaiting sentence after he was found guilty of raping his mother on Mother’s Day in a case described by the judge as ‘distasteful and sordid’.

The 45-year-old rapist had pleaded not guilty to the rape at Dublin’s Central Criminal Court.

He had told the court that the sex at his mother’s home in March 2008 was ‘consensual’.

The Irish Times reports that the jury of four men and eight women took just over four hours of deliberations over two days to return the guilty verdict.

Justice Barry White excused them from jury service for life after telling them: “It is not often a jury has to deal with a trial as distasteful and sordid as this.”

The justice remanded the man in custody for sentencing on October 1st. He also ordered that the rapist be registered as a sex offender and a victim impact report be made available to the court.

The report states that, in evidence, the court heard the accused admitted having sex with his mother but said it was consensual and that one thing had ‘led to another’.

His 65-year-old mother, who lives alone, was awaiting surgery and was on medication including an opiate painkiller, sleeping tablets and benzodiazepine.
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Jan 5 2013 02:20pm
Quote (Banana_Lover @ Jan 5 2013 03:12pm)
Here's one.. omfg.. LOL


LMFAO
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Jan 5 2013 02:27pm
Quote (DatFapSmell @ Jan 5 2013 01:20pm)
LMFAO


And another one :rofl:

Quote
A 14-year-old girl, stole her mother’s husband, married him and had a baby together, according to court proceedings.


The Chinese teenager apparently had a lovechild with her stepfather. She is threatening to cut off ties with her mother unless she divorces him.



The girl, named Fangting, began an affair with Liu Guochang, her 34-year-old stepfather when she was just 14-years-old, a local newspaper reported.

Fangting, now 16, gave birth to a daughter last year and demands that her mother Huang Changhong divorce Liu so they could be together. To make matters worse, Huang and Liu also have a young son together.



Huang discovered the affair in 2009, when she found a love letter the girl had written to her husband. After the surprising discovery, she sent her daughter to live with her grandparents, the newspaper reported.

But Huang, who worked in another city, did not know that her husband continued to meet Fangting. He even started to have sex with the girl.



A year later, the couple finally escaped to Ganzhou Jiangxi province. After the baby was born, the stepfather sent a text message to his wife, congratulating her for being a grandmother.

In April Fangting contacted her mother. Huang texted her, saying: "Now I am the wife of Liu


Guochang. We've been together for two years and we have a daughter. Please divorce him.

Otherwise, I will take the case to court."



The mother could not take it anymore and contacted police. Liu was arrested in May. In court Fangting told the judge she was in love with the husband of her mother. She also said the sexual relationship occurred with her permission.

Liu was sentenced to 11 years in prison last month. The charges include rape and being involved with a teenager. He has filed an appeal.
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Jan 5 2013 02:29pm
And another. Enjoy the read guys. b)

Quote
A girl that went to a hospital after experiencing strong stomach pains found out she was pregnant, according to hospital officials and police reports.


A 12-year-old, who had suffered from being raped for a year, went to the hospital and found out she was pregnant. Cesar Ernest Alcivar, 39, was arrested for allegedly raping the girl in Florida and fathering the child.

She reportedly had no idea she was pregnant and had gone to the hospital just to see why she had stomach pains.

When doctors performed tests on the Clearwater girl, they soon discovered she was pregnant, according to reports. The name of the girl, and how advanced the pregnancy had been at the time has not been released. The alleged rape victim identified Alcivar as the man who had been abusing her in the past year, according to police.

Police reports indicate that Alcivar faces a charge of capital sexual battery for allegedly having sexual intercourse with the child several times. Public Safety spokeswoman Elizabeth Watts said that hospital staff contacted the Clearwater Police Department after the young woman tested positive for pregnancy.

The capital sexual battery term is applied to two separate offenses containing similar elements,

according to the Florida Sex Crimes Defense Lawyers website. State law makes crimes involving anyone over the age of 18 sexually abusing any person 12 years old or less a capital crime.

It is also a capital offense to damage the sexual organs of the victim during the crime. According to the website of Florida defense attorneys, state law also requires the defendant to be in a position of relative or guardian with custody. The crime apparently can be proven based solely on the testimony of the victim, the external evidence is not required to prove the elements of the offense.
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Jan 5 2013 02:31pm
And another!!

Quote
Man arrested after woman dies having sex with his dog

A man was arrested and charged after a woman died having sex with his dog at his home, according to court proceedings.

An Irish judge postponed the sentencing in the man convicted of bestiality in which the woman died.


Sean McDonnell from Limerick, Ireland, had met a woman on a chat line for bestiality. She later had sex with a dog at his home, but died shortly after, according to reports in the news media.

Originally it was believed that she has had an allergic reaction to animal sex, but test were unable to prove this theory.

The woman was 48-years-old from the city of Limerick as well.


Police Officer Padraig O'Dwyer said that while the woman and the dog committed an act of bestiality, the exact cause of death could not be determined.

O'Dwyer said the woman had agreed to have sex with the dog after the couple had met on the Internet.


McDonnell made 3,500 comments in forums which talk about bestiality.

His computer had "broad activity on pornography and bestiality websites", the court heard.

The dog was killed last week.


McDonnell’s attorney, Isobella Kennedy, said: "My client would not be charged is the woman had not died. The woman fully consented. There was no form of coercion or duress."

Judge Carroll Moran described it as "a very unusual case" and said the sentence will be issued on December 14.


Idk why they had to take it out on the dog :cry:
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Jan 5 2013 02:34pm
LMFAO


Quote
Woman arrested after trying to kill her boyfriend with her large breast

A man claims he was nearly killed after his girlfriend choked him with her over sized chest, according to court proceedings.
A high-flying lawyer fled in terror naked after his girlfriend used her 38DDs in an attempt to kill him, a German court has heard.


Tim Schmidt, 30, said his girlfriend, Franziska Hansen, 33, mounted her assault while they were having sex because she was jealous of his successful career.

She denies the charge of attempted murder with a deadly weapon after the incident in the city of Unna in May. According to her, it was a sex game gone wrong and Schmidt panicked.

He told the court he was admiring her large chest closely when she suddenly stuck his head between her chest and squeezed hard. Schmidt was smothered and began to panic as he struggled to breathe, the court heard.

 
Schmidt told the court: "I was sitting there and I was kissing her chest when suddenly she grabbed my head in pushed it between her chest and held my head with all her might. I could not breathe, I must have turned blue. I could not tear myself free and thought I was going to die."

He managed to pull free from the clutches of his girlfriend and run naked into the street. A neighbor allowed him to call the police from his home.

Hansen later admitted the plot during a phone conversation, he said. She said: "Treasure. I wanted your death to be as pleasant as possible."
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Jan 5 2013 02:52pm
Can a $1 Trillion Coin End Debt Ceiling Crisis?

What if the threat of a voluntary default by the United States could be erased by simply turning one tiny scrap of platinum into a coin?

That's right. No debt ceiling problem. No bickering in Congress. No market jitters. The only thing needed is for the Treasury Department to mint a platinum coin with a face value of $1 trillion.

Of course, this is not going to happen. Creating money out of thin air is hardly a solution. It could lead to even more concerns from those worried about inflation. Critics of the Federal Reserve's monetary easing programs would likely be apoplectic if the Treasury Department trumped Ben Bernanke's "helicopter drop" by minting a trillion more new dollars.

The influential New York Times columnist Paul Krugman has already dubbed the talk a "gimmick." But here is why some people think this bizarre strategy could work.

Last week, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner made it official: Federal borrowing has reached the $16.394 trillion debt ceiling.

Treasury, which runs the government's debt-issuance operation, is busy creating about $200 billion of headroom by employing what it calls "extraordinary measures." That should cover about two months' worth of borrowing.

When the two months expire, Treasury will no longer be able to pay the country's bills -- that is, it won't be able to borrow more money to pay for spending already authorized by Congress.

If Congress does not act to raise the debt ceiling, the U.S. will default on its debts. Not good. But this is where the platinum coin comes in. Normally, the Federal Reserve is charged with issuing currency. But U.S. law, specifically 31 USC § 5112, also grants Treasury permission to "mint and issue platinum bullion coins and proof platinum coins."

This section of law was meant to allow for the printing of commemorative coins and the like. But the Treasury Secretary has the authority to mint these coins in any denomination he or she sees fit.

With a $1 trillion coin in hand, Treasury could deposit the money into Fed accounts, and pay its debts in that manner, instead of relying on bond issuance.

And none of this requires Congressional consent. Talk about an elegant solution.

The White House unsurprisingly hasn't commented on the idea. But Rep. Jerrold Nadler is on board. "I'm being absolutely serious," he told Capital NY. "It sounds silly but it's absolutely legal."

The denizens of Twitter are also enthused:



A petition has also been started on the White House website, should you find this argument convincing. At last count, it had more than 1,000 signatures. The creator of the petition concedes that the $1 trillion coin "may seem like an unnecessarily extreme measure" but that "it is no more absurd than playing political football with the US -- and global -- economy at stake."

Another end-around option to ending the debt ceiling drama involves invoking the 14th Amendment to the Constitution.

That amendment says, in part, that "the validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned."

Although that was written with Civil War debts in mind, former President Bill Clinton said in the summer of 2011 before the last debt ceiling debate that he would invoke the amendment to raise the debt ceiling if he were still in office, "and force the courts to stop me."

President Obama, however, is not so sure. "I have talked to my lawyers," Obama said in 2011. "They are not persuaded that that is a winning argument."
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Jan 5 2013 03:08pm
god you people are boring afk :wub:
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