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Jun 13 2013 04:41am
By surprise she'll take me,
stealing all breath and thought,
Her mind is a mystery,
i'm just out of earshot
Going nowhere in a hurry
blindly, in the dark
Looking to end misery
all our lives we'll walk




kinda just sat down and poured out of me, took about 3 hours
please don't be too reproachful
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Jun 25 2013 12:59pm
Good Stuff
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Jul 12 2013 09:43am
:thumbsup:
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Jul 12 2013 02:06pm
I'd like to know what light this is being read in.

Are you being stricken by a mysterious young lady.

Being approached by a mysterious young lady who brings you out of your dumps where you two fall in love.

Or.... Just two friends going through hard times, slowly growing an interest in each other?

If it were me who wrote it I'd change the phrase-line to
Her mind is a mystery,
goals just out of sight

I think earshot is too vague in a sense. The range of it is to the sense that you wouldn't understand anything, but you use the word just before it, which contradicts its meaning.

As for the goals part, I just find that if a person is mysterious to me is that I don't understand the way they approach their goals or if I do it is a new insight to me.

Or, since the mind is a crazy thing, you could turn the phrase into three lines.

Her mind is a mystery,
her views, her words,
everything is new to me.

I think this has a nice flow to it. You asked my thoughts and I gave xD
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Jul 12 2013 05:39pm
Cool!
I can't really criticize poetry as I'm not very creative, but I liked it. xD

This post was edited by furbyjs on Jul 12 2013 05:39pm
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