I posted some of it before and I got a decent response. Here is a little more. CnC are welcome.

He walked through the encampment across the sun baked grass; the sound of every step he took compounded by the cracking of dry grass and twigs beneath his feet. It hadn't rained much in this area he thought, at least not for the past few months they had been here. The weather had generally been really hot but it was often reasonably cool during the early hours of the morning. It was still dark as he made his way to the center of the encampment where he could still see some of the fires burning from the night before.

Besides a small group of people which was whispering quietly near one of the fires, there wasn't much movement in the camp at this early hour in the morning. As he came and stood in the light of one of the fires the quiet murmur of the whispering momentarily came to a stop and from the corner of his eye, he could see one of them pointing at him but he pretended not to notice, just like he always would. And after a few silent chuckles and snorts the group continued on with whatever they were talking about and gave no further notice to him. He stood there a while longer gazing into the fire gently moving his fingers over the scar on his palm. He always had an affinity for fire but it wasn't the light or the warmth of the fire that amused him; it was how hot it is and how much it could hurt. Once when he was a child he had put his hand in a fire and pulled out a burning coal and held on to it for a while before one of the surrounding people saw it and forced him to let go before he got hurt badly. The fire had scorched his hand and he had to get it cleaned up properly at the local shrine where they washed away the small pieces of coal that had stuck to his flesh and then placed all sorts of herbal ointments before winding his wrist with a cloth. The wound which was supposed to take weeks to heel surprisingly took only a few days; the skin grew back and all that was left was a scar on his palm. The shrine became particularly famous after that incident; after all it was their medication that had caused such a speedy recovery... or so they believed.

He strolled towards the southern end of the encampment carefully making his way under the moon light past a number of tents and makeshift house holds both big and small. It was largely quite but occasionally someone would come out to get a drink or to relieve themselves behind the nearest bushes. He slackened his pace as the torch lit check posts of the tribal guards came into view and crouched behind one of the nearby bushes. He could see clearly the check posts roughly spaced out at two hundred meters each with the sturdiest of the tribal warriors wandering nearby. The guards didn't seem quite so intimidating at this time of the night he thought. In the day time you would see the tribal guards fully clad up to their necks in armor, alert and seemingly ready for battle at all times. But the two guards nearest to him right now didn't seem to be in their complete armor much less their senses. They sat lazily in two wooden chairs sipping out of their mugs (which most probably contained wine) while they indulged in some cheerful banter.

To the south and west of the forest was a thick dense forest. The first trees of the forest weren't too far; a quick sprint and he could reach them in no time. But if he were to sneak into the forest without getting noticed he needed a diversion. He eyed a small bushel of wild herbs a little distance away from the two guards. There was momentary commotion and movement behind the bushes which certainly got the two guards attention.

The last paragraph is undeveloped and incomplete. Goes on to describe what caused the opportune distraction in the bushes and once inside the forest it goes on to describe our mysterious hero.
Thank you for reading.

I'd like to comment on the story instead of grammatical issues, but there's really not much there yet.

There are a few sections where you're pretty redundant. You should try using a wider variety of words. For example, you use the word "forest" four times in three sentences. When you get passages like that, try using synonyms or pronouns instead of the same word. I actually don't understand the first sentence "To the South and West of the (don't think this should be forest) was a thick, dense forest. The first trees of the wooded area weren't too far; a quick sprint and he could reach them in no time. However, if he were to sneak to the cover of the trees without being noticed, he needed a diversion."

That's another thing. You started a new sentence with "but." You shouldn't open with conjunctions (so my professor told me). Instead of "but," use however followed by a comma. For and, use in addition.


Is this the beginning of your story, or just a section you wrote out and decided to post?
Whenever you get more, you should post it. I'd like to see what the rest is about.

Read mine? http://forums.d2jsp.org/topic.php?t=65915652&f=266