"A great time did pass with the Kodiak awake and going about its mindless bloodlust for Bone and flesh relentlessly plucking apart helpless people unfortunate enough to cross paths with it. CityFolk that were hardy and only with their wits about them had a chance adapt to life with an overbearing loom of death at every corner for the Kodiak was a swift but crafty beast. Relentless Hunting parties had been sent out to retreive the head of this Great Legend but instead the only thing that echoed in the night were shadowed sillouetts of flesh tearing from bone as gnarled screams danced between gargled moans of blood fasened Airways. Rarely would you hear those screams but rather in its place a hasty maw of silence complimented by the last soft flickers of torch light seen on the edge of the forest dragged into darkess by the coiled hands of death itself."



Dont mind the punctuation/grammar/syntax/ and everything else its just a preface of a roughdraft


just let me know if its flowing and keeps your attention

Basically a part of a story telling process an elder is telling a young pupil educating him about history

This post was edited by 1Zon on Mar 1 2013 08:40am

Quite good. those capitals etc annoyed me, but you said to ignore them so I did ^^

It's a story that an elder is telling right? Quite fascinating imo <: I'd definitely read more

yeah basicall through the first 4x books this specific elder is educating a youngling pupil about the history of the people i cant say to much about anything really because they all play important key figures or in events later

thats just a paragraph or two about him telling the child about the Kodiak


the events of the first book will be throughout the time the elder is storytelling

This post was edited by 1Zon on Mar 1 2013 10:35am

4 books thats he's doing that? Seems a lot tbh Oo You gotta create one helluva story if you'd keep up that

But GL ofc ;]

Quite interesting. Ignoring the grammar part et cetera, I'd like to point out your use of adjectives.. you use them a lot. To me it's a little too much, but that might be because you're missing some commas here and there, though.

Anyway, really interesting. Keep it up!

Yes it has a very indept story line with many twists and tales




Yes very adjective heavy just to keep the story flowing as i write it mind it is a preliminary rough draft not even a full rough draft for grammar revision there is still lots of work to do but at this time im working on the flow of the story as it comes along it should flow smoothly regardless just like this conjectured compound sentence that is littered with syntax errors.

as it stands now it is only objective heavy for the impending realization that the story telling should bring to the pupil characters awareness.

A descriptic scene that hopefully is fluid enough to play out as the reader enjoys the story just an outlying picture of the capabilities of the beast without revealing to much to soon and thats on every level of creation.

But it is just a paragraph in a certain timeline of the story telling process that was for emphasis through the usage of multiple adjectives it kind of pulls your attention into the detail of the situation at hand. Think of how black draws your eye in a colorful collage.

After that its more common as far as lightly describing the surroundings and everyday goings as the story progresses

Once the grammar and punctuation is fixed I doubt that you will notice any of the sort but rather you wondering whats next


I just like to draw inspiration from opinions from time to time


Rewritting my old series
So i can use the title


This post was edited by 1Zon on Mar 3 2013 05:54am