I don't write a lot, would be interested to see your take on this if you will.

2b

2b or not 2b he thought
Upon that fateful eve,
And so began in dribs and drabs
The tale of Jade and Steve.

He was aware, of course he was,
2b was meant for four,
But sat upon his straining throne
‘Tis only more that’s more.

Greed and glut are thrown around,
As if mere words of nowt,
But when two lovers reconvene
There can be little doubt

Of what will surely soon entail
Between their greasy sheets;
A carnival of sweets and sours
A polychrome of meats.

Prawn and pork and peas and rice
And throw in 28
Why not family sharing size?
But still it cannot sate

The craves for further egg-fried love,
Prawn Crackers miles wide,
Golden Palace tops Missed Calls
And still it cannot hide

The gaping hole in hearts so full
Of dripping saturáte
They piles their dishes, swamp their bowls,
Yet nothing’s on their plate.

Sat apart a thousand miles
The internet their link
The question never does arise
Nor do they ever think

That there could be another one,
A love beyond their beds,
Beyond their chopsticks, chows and meins -
Stomachs more than heads.

Until, that is, his cam goes dark,
Disconnects his app;
Jade now knows he’s met his end
Until she hears a tap…

She takes a while to reach the sill
By now he’s out of stones
Chafed all over, out of breath,
But she will hear no moans:

He calls her name and drops a knee,
Pleads her be his wife,
Tonight he does not choose 2b,
Instead he chooses life.


With regards to specific areas I'm most questioning: I'm not sure whether the logistics work - having changed the idea a couple times it might come across a little confusing. The basic idea is the reader thinks they are meeting, but it is revealed they're actually just hooking up on skype or something similar as the poem goes on and takes a more dry mocking tone, and basically never go outside... until the last few verses - does verse 3 confuse this too much and sound too strongly like theyre actually in the same room? Or does stanza 8 effectively enough explain? Comments on any areas are much appreciated, as I said I don't often write, especially not poetry! Thanks and should be a fairly enjoyable read, if you and my dry British sense of humour connect

what does 2b have to do with it im wondering, if you are just trying to be clever.. then stick with to be

Chinese take-away? No?
You must have them in America -.-'

This post was edited by Titch on May 2 2011 03:24pm

I think it is a great poem. I get it is about a guy and a girl in a long-distance, internet relationship right? And the first part of the poem is about ordering Chinese food (2b is the order), and this is a metaphor for making nothing out of like and just sitting there drowning in his sorrows and normal life.

This verse here:

"The gaping hole in hearts so full
Of dripping saturáte
They piles their dishes, swamp their bowls,
Yet nothing’s on their plate."

leads me to believe my prior statement. And the ending is about his closing out of Skype, Vent, E-Harmony, etc. and the girl thinking she has seen the last of him for the night, week, or they could be breaking up. I am a little confused there. Anyway, she hears a tap on the window. She looks out and the guy is there ready to propose. How he got "thousand miles" idk. Maybe he was skyping, talking, from the plane, car, outside idk. But anyway, the last line is beautiful:

"Tonight he does not choose 2b,
Instead he chooses life."

It is on the most basic level that he didn't order Chinese, he went to the girls house. But on the deeper metaphorical level, it means he did not waste his empty life away and did something to change it.


Anyway, I liked it and got the whole 2b thing. Clever idea.

Thanks man
Yeahh, the idea of the 2b is the Chinese thing punned to 'to be', and the last line is making the definintion between simply existing (choosing 'to be') and living (choosing 'life'). As well as that its a pun on the classic Shakespeare's Hamlet quote 'to be or not to be', on his questioning his conscience and basically the meaning of life. Deep

You got it basically right; idea of him blacking was sorta idk her thinking he's decided to end it all and put a stop to his misery, and you;re right, how he gets there makes no sense but i dont think its so important.

Many thnanks for actually looking into this, most have just skipped past it, and actually giving it a decent read and critique